I Don’t Have The Time

30 04 2008

I really don’t have the time for this right now. Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon? Really? To me this is almost worse than Whitney and Ray J because at least Whitney could say she was gone off that purp, but the only purple Mariah’s on is the 17,000 skank dresses hand-sewn by the same slave she has in her closet.

It appears Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon are ready to make beautiful music together.

A source close to Carey has confirmed to Access Hollywood that the music diva is engaged to Nick Cannon.

Reps for both singers were unavailable for comment.

The couple sent the rumor mill into overdrive when 38-year-old Carey (with Cannon on her arm) was seen sporting a dazzling new piece of bling on her ring finger at the after party for her Tribeca film, “Tennessee,” in New York.

When asked at the party what he loved about Mariah, 27-year-old Cannon gave a one-word answer.

“Everything,” he told People.

Up until recently, Carey had been romantically linked to music executive Mark Sudack. However, she never confirmed the romance.

Carey was previously married to record executive Tommy Mottola from 1993 to 1998.

Cannon was previously engaged to Victoria’s Secret model Selita Ebanks in 2007. However, the couple called off the engagement that same year.

This will be the first marriage for the “Drumline” star. (Source)

I’m refusing to say much about this because I’m hoping it’s a bad dream. I love Mariah for her insanity but this is where I get off the train. The thought of them writing songs together makes me want to OD on some Wal-itin*.

*I can’t afford Claritin.

Posted by J

Popularity: 47% [?]



Video: Rihanna - “Take A Bow”

28 04 2008

I wish she would “take a bow” and stop making music for three minutes.

I don’t know if Rihanna co-wrote this song or not but when I was listening to these awful lyrics I just got a mental image of her writing them in a Mead notebook covered in star stickers using a Jelly pen. This shit just does nothing for me! It goes nowhere. It’s all the subject matter of “Irreplaceable” without any of the bite.

Rihanna looks nice in this I guess but she also looks bored as hell.

Posted by J

Popularity: 32% [?]



Quote of the Day: Ri-Ri in Denial

11 04 2008

Rihanna on the Jay-Z Beyonce Wedding:
“I didn’t know!” Rihanna told PEOPLE at the Escada Moon Sparkle/Island Def Jam benefit for her Believe Foundation and DKMS, the world’s largest bone marrow donor center. “No one knew!” [SOURCE]
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Let Me Tell Ya ‘Bout My Beeeest Friend

1 04 2008

Rihanna has pulled the “brother/sister” and/or “best friend” card on her relationship with Chris Brown.

Rihanna is hoping to quash rumours she is dating fellow R+B star Chris Brown once and for all - by insisting their relationship is like “brother and sister”.

The pair has caused much speculation over the nature of their relationship since they were photographed frolicking in a Jamaican swimming pool together last month.

They further fuelled rumours last month after they were photographed leaving a London hotel together - but the Umbrella star insists Brown is more like a family member than a love interest.

She says, “I won’t say that we’re just friends - me and Chris are really best, best friends. We both started our careers around the same time. He is one of the only people in the industry … I trust and hang out with all the time.

“We are best friends, honestly, like brother and sister. If he was a boyfriend, I would say that.” (Source)

Mm’hmmmm. I bet they paint each others’ toenails and everything. The wording of this is “statement” so off!

I understand where she was going with this because it’s pretty much the oldest denial trick in the book, but I’m wondering if she consulted with Norbert on this one because… well, you know.

In all seriousness, I think this is a publicity stunt either way because we all know Rihanna is saving herself for Fred Savage and Chris is saving himself for Michael Jackson.

Posted by J

Popularity: 18% [?]



Rihanna To Fans: “Put The Umbrella Down, Bitch”

5 03 2008

Rihanna has banned umbrellas from her concert shows because she’s afraid her moron fans will injure each other with them. I would have thought this was insulting to the fans until I read the whole article.

R&B singer Rihanna has insisted that all umbrellas be confiscated from fans, in case they injure themselves trying to copy the dance routine to her hit song “Umbrella.”

Andy McDonald, a security guard at the Aberdeen Exhibition Centre, where Rihanna performed on Monday Feb. 3, said: “We were taking precautions over a potential accident. We were told Rihanna’s song features dancing with umbrellas on stage. We didn’t want the crowd following her actions and someone getting their eye poked out.”

The decision follows reports of several injuries caused by umbrella-related incidents during Rihanna’s recent European dates.

One fan due to attend one of the singer’s upcoming shows said: “I was really looking forward to whipping out my umbrella during the song. I have been practicing the routine for weeks but it has all been for nothing.” (Source)

This begs the question, who’s dumber — Rihanna’s fans or Sherri Shepherd? Like honestly, you were really gonna show up to a concert toting an umbrella and practiced a dance routine? If I were Rihanna I’d let these idiots weed themselves out and then I wouldn’t have as many retarded fans at the end of the day when they poke each other in the gut.

Posted by J

Popularity: 45% [?]



Yawn

26 02 2008

Oh look everyone, Rihanna and Chris Brown are ~together~.

We caught Chris Brown and Rihanna getting hot and heavy in the water — and this is the first photo of them as a loving duo.
R&B’s most secretive couple were sharing a romantic weekend in Jamaica and we can say for sure guys, the cat is out of the bag.
The Grammy winner, who was thrown a big birthday bash by Chris for her 20th birthday last week, was all over her younger man. “They were smooching in the pool and were really lovely dovey,” the PageSix.com spy told us exclusively. “They were playfully making out and he was kissing her on the neck.”

The attractive pair, who got matching star tattoos on their necks in January, got in the pool after a leisurely lunch yesterday at the Hilton Kingston Hotel in Jamaica. They were hanging out with friends and at about 3 p.m., Chris, 18, jumped into the water and waited while Rihanna went to her room and changed into a bikini.

She came back and was very scared of getting her hair wet, said the spy. “They were floating together with him carrying her and she kept saying, ‘Don’t get my hair wet.’ She was very soft and feminine but he was a big kid and splashing around.” (Source)

I guess they really are following that Jay-Z/Beyoncé model where they pretend no one knows. This is just tired and whatever. I’m laughing at the description of her as not wanting to get her hair wet and him being a “big kid splashing around”. They make it sound like he’s a toddler in the bathtub.

That hair can’t get wet because it holds Ambrosia, food of the Gods or something. There’s some magic crystals and probably some four leaf clovers hidden in that mug which would explain her ascendancy to the top of the food chain.

Posted by J

Popularity: 44% [?]



Ri-Ri Named Youth Ambassador of Barbados

22 02 2008

Welcome to da island, wha’ gwan! Gal get you a haircut and ya set, ya dun know.

Fresh off her Grammy win last week, R&B/pop star Rihanna has been named an Ambassador for Culture and Youth in her home country of Barbados.

According to The Barbados Advocate, the Def Jam songstress was given the title by Prime Minister David Thompson at a tribute concert held in her honor last night (Thursday, Jan. 21).

Thompson said that in light of all of Rihanna’s recent achievements, including her Grammy award for the smash hit “Umbrella,” the singer should be formally recognized as a positive role model and source of inspiration for the country.

“I really don’t know what to say,” Rihanna said upon hearing the news. “I am so grateful and I have never been more proud to be Bajan.”

The 20-year-old star, whose full name is Robin Rihanna Fenty, also got a Land Rover and a diamond bracelet from some of the event’s sponsors, along with a birthday cake to celebrate her birthday this past Wednesday (Feb. 20). (Source)

She doesn’t know what to say because she hasn’t been programmed for it yet. ER-ROR, ER-ROR!

Erin and I have been talking about all weekend how Rihanna lucked up on this haircut — right place, right time — and now people are just knocking themselves the hell out to give her what she wants. I can’t hate too hard because she seems like a sweet little fembot but damn, a Range Rover and diamond bracelet, really? Isn’t there someone who still lives in Barbados that this so-called youth group can hook up? Rihanna probably gave the Range Rover to her weed carrier and uses the diamond bracelet as a bike lock with all the money she made off “Umbrella”.

Posted by J

Popularity: 47% [?]



Girl, You So Edgy

21 02 2008

Rihanna bought a bunch of shitty pop art from Jack Gallery in LA’s Fairfax District. She just turned 20 so in addition to getting tattoos of sparkles and probably buying some kind of whips and chains as a joke, she got paintings that will reportedly go in both of her homes in LA and NYC. (Props to Just Jared)

I’m sure she thinks these are “rad” or whatever word Fefe Dobson would use to describe it. I’m mad at these paintings! This looks like some shit you’d see on a screen tee at Target for $10 a pop. And her ass probably bought these for ten grand. Rihanna’s a mess, though. I think it’s her age. I’m sure she has an “ice cream room” or something like that where she’ll hang these and her and her edgy friends will have an ironic laugh at them. (One more pic after the jump.)

Posted by J

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CAPTION THIS IMMEDIATELY!

13 02 2008

Justin Time sent this is and whoa…it looks like Rhi-Bot is about to bust out the Tittay-uzi’s Austin Powers-style and straight up blast Camel for rebuffing her Bajan advances.

CAPTION THIS!

And also, did you know that The CrackHouse of Dereon/Knowles Rootbox Clan was waiting for Rihanna to come out the Staples Center so they could murk her Creole style? Yep. Beyonceitis said so. And OMG, you will DIE from reading that, I’mma warn you. I laughed and coughed up one of my kidneys — or breakfast, I wasn’t sure.

Posted by The IPS

Popularity: 39% [?]



Rihanna Covers Cosmopolitan

11 02 2008

“Your Va-Jay-Jay”

* dies and cranks dat Winehouse with Tyrone Biggums *

Putting her on this cover with all those sex-related bylines was just NOT a great idea. Really!

I bet Jay-Z has sex with himself when Bey’s on tour dropping down low and sweeping the floor with it to Rihanna too, though he was trying to front last night like he didn’t *snickers*

I wonder what Rhi-bot looks like sans-Photoshop. We got to respect her now ya’ll. She is a GRAMMY AWARD WINNER. *SEOD to the Recording Academy*

Posted by The IPS

Popularity: 22% [?]



Milk Does A Rhi-Bot Body Good!

31 01 2008

Ratchet’s favorite chick Rhi-Bot (LOL kidding, I had to steal that!) does a “Got Milk?” ad.

The picture is fly as hell, though I am wondering bout the yellow nails? Oh well, like Stacy & Clinton say, “It doesn’t have to match, it just has to GO!” OK, so I guess it goes with the furniture. Rihanna is cute, I’d smash (in 5 years).

The copy on the ad? Now that’s another issue. It reads:

“Drink it in. Pop star? Not exactly. Milk is more my move. Some studies suggest that teens who choose milk instead of sugary drinks tend to leaner and the protein helps build muscle. So, shut up and drink.”

The OBVIOUS joke was “shut up and drink.” I mean, whoever wrote that needs to be let go and sent back to Hallmark cause that ish is just corny. And this line: “Milk is more my move.” Now, I’m no English major, but that doesn’t flow right to me. Was that supposed to be “de island talk gwan guhl” coming out or some ish? Iono.

I think having black people in these ads is retarded because most of us are lactose-intolerant. Holla @ me with a Lactaid ad bishes!

Posted by The IPS

Popularity: 39% [?]



Kanyetta’s About To Tour…

30 01 2008


Kanye’s Blog

I’m sure tickets will be the cost of an imported real Asian baby hair lacefront wig & a Louis Vuitton scarf.

I HAAAATE arena shows so I will wait for the inevitable DVD at Wal-Mart for $9.99. $9.99 > $65.00 + Ticketmaster fees. DIG A HOLE, FALL IN IT.

And Rihanna? Hoe is getting that money ROFL. She’s working that light-skinned and accent til’ the wheels fall off, or Jay-Z gets tired of looking at her, whichever one comes first. Wait, he’s fired, nm.

Lupe’s album has only sold 286,211, which is almost as much as “Food & Liquor” has sold YTD (334,520). Sheiza! Rihanna’s at 1,002,456 for “Good Girl Gone Bad.” Kanye’s at 1,958,201 (great number!), and N.E.R.D.’s last album “Fly or Die” which came out in ‘04 is at 420,963.

Posted by The IPS

Popularity: 22% [?]



Rihanna’s New Haircut

26 01 2008

This girl rocks new haircuts like I rock underwear I copped at Ross for $10 (Designer names for wholesale prices, WHAT!). I’m basically posting this because it’s Saturday night, it’s raining, and I’m bored. I’m sure one or two of y’all will get a kick out of this and the rest of you can just clown in the comments.

It looks good on her. She’s blessed with being able to pull off tricky haircuts.

Posted by J

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Let’s Be Honest: Do We Really Care?

23 01 2008

Rihanna got her 97th janky ass tattoo recently (does she realize these aren’t the same as the washable ones you get at Round Table Pizza?) and it looks a lot like Chris Brown’s, so people are speculating that they might be dating (she also borrowed his jacket last week). I don’t think they really are dating since this tattoo looks like something they keep on reserve for girls who come to the parlor at age 16 with a forged consent form and ask for something “pretty”. But if they really are, they should have gotten a better set of matching tattoos. You know, like ones that said “Sit” and “Down”.

Posted by J

Popularity: 34% [?]



Rihanna Out On The Town

14 01 2008

Here are pictures of Rihanna out and about. She is accompanied by a friend, a pound of make-up, and one of Ne-Yo’s hats. It’s in Mardi Gras colors, too! How festive! Later in the evening she decided to get her 7th tattoo which could have been anything from a gummi bear to a palm tree.

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Popularity: 23% [?]