Hot New Music from Solange!

26 03 2008

CLICK HERE FOR THE SMOKIN HOT TRACK BY SOLANGE

Let me stop lyin. I can’t even say that with a straight face. *dead* @ the background singers outshining her. Lawd Jesus? Sandman? KeKe Shephard? Somebody, come get this girl! She is a walking hand-me-down. She’s like the “Cc:” in an email. DO. NOT. WANT.

Posted by Justin Time™

Popularity: 21% [?]



NEGRO PLEASE of the Week…

21 03 2008

Whaddup AHM? This is Justin Time (and no…that’s not my government name). I’ve been a AHM faithful since ahotmessblog.com was ahotmess.wordpress.com. Anyways…that’s the whole gist of things. Thanks to Erin and J for the opportunity. I’m not a replacement, I’m an addition. The IPS can never be replaced. Well..with that said, let me hit y’all off with the Negro Please of the week…

An “Oprah Winfrey Show” audience member is suing Harpo Studios Wednesday after some overzealous guests allegedly caused her to fall down a flight of stairs.

On Dec. 5, 2006, Orit Greenberg went to Harpo Studios to be an audience member for the Oprah show, according to a lawsuit filed in Cook County Circuit Court Wednesday.

Greenberg, along with an “excess number of patrons,” gathered in a waiting area before filing into the studio to be seated, the suit said. When the audience members were instructed to enter the studio and sit “where they wanted,” Greenberg claims she was pushed down stairs as the patrons “rushed the gate” while pushing and shoving one another.

The suit said Harpo management failed to properly control the crowd and was careless by allowing guests to seat themselves.

Greenberg allegedly suffered “severe and permanent injuries” from the fall, and is asking for more than $50,000 for medical care and other damages, the suit said. [source]

I had to insert the certified “Negro Please” face on this one. Let me get this straight…she was shoved by miscellaneous people, but sues Oprah for “falling” down the stairs? No ma’am. You must’ve bumped your head in mid step. I declare…if she wins this case, I’m inviting anyone to come with me to Bill Gates’ house, and we’re gonna run face first into his gated house, and sue him and Microsoft for “gate malfunctioning.”

Posted by Justin Time™

Popularity: 38% [?]



Jesse L. Martin To Exit ‘Law & Order’

21 02 2008

Ugh! Just when they got this show back on track with some new cast members, I hear abouyt this. I mean, “Law & Order” has been on the air since dirt was invented so they should just go ahead and cancel this mug if Jesse’s quitting.

After months of speculation, it is now official that Jesse L. Martin is leaving NBC’s Law & Order after nine years on the show. Sources say his character, Detective Ed Green, will be written off. In the wake of Martin’s departure, Anthony Anderson, star of Fox’s freshman cop drama K-Ville, is in final talks to come on board as a new detective partnered with Jeremy Sisto’s Cyrus Lupo. Martin is expected to shoot one more episode with Anderson stepping in later this season. Although Fox has never officially pulled the plug on K-Ville, Anderson’s casting in Law & Order pretty much makes that a done deal. Martin recently finished work on the feature Peter and Vandy, and will next play Marvin Gaye in the indie biopic Sexual Healing, which also stars James Gandolfini. (Source + Interview)

Anthony Anderson? Really? Why don’t they make Paula Jai Parker an Assistant District Attorney while they’re at it. Bring in David Hasselhoff as the new chief of police.

Posted by J

Popularity: 43% [?]



Sweet Minty Jesus Be A Wet Ones! Khia’s Back.

18 02 2008

LOL, oh lord Jesus…this woman…she’s about as sexy as a drowned monkey, but she’s hustling. She making herself “semi-relevant” again with all this reckless talk about Janet and her general just “I’m nasty, I’m a thug, I got that panty pudding!” nonsense.

She also has a new song called “Ass Talk” that is SURE to inspire young girls everywhere to step their booty clap game up. It’s LIFE-CHANGING YA’LL! And I don’t know about ya’ll but I thought “Snatch The Cat Back” was a classic.

Khia kind of intrigues me. She’s like those people on American Idol who really really CAN’T sing, but in THEIR minds they are Celine Dion and Beyonce’. Her mom and friends tell her, “Gurl you da bomb! You better than a Trina n’ isht!” She gets all puffed up, takes out her Dr. Seuss books and gets to work, and then effs for tracks and low budget videos and makes a career out of it.

Can’t knock the hustle!

*sprays down A Hot Mess with hospital-grade lysol*

More pics after the jump, unfortunately.

Posted by The IPS Read the rest of this entry »

Popularity: 31% [?]



I Thought The Writer’s Strike Was Over!?

14 02 2008

Though VH1 is crap TV central, writer’s strike or no. If Luke gets his celebutard on like Flavor Flav, I will seriously turn in my Black Card and hop on the MJ light-skin train. I can’t take much more of this. I blame Snoop, too. We don’t care about your families really…why drag them into all this scripted mess?!

VH1 has picked up a family-oriented reality show from rap mogul [ROFL @ him being a mogul! They are nice.] Luther Campbell and will begin airing the series in July, reports Allhiphop.com.

Titled “Parental Advisory,” the hour-long show will follow Campbell at home with his children and fiancée, as well as in the office producing adult-themed content.

“Parental Advisory showcases the diversity in my life,” Campbell told AllHipHop.com. “One day I am with my kids, the next day I am in the office auditioning ‘Luke Girls’ and the next day I might be out on the road.”

The series is being produced in conjunction with Campbell’s new company, the Luke Entertainment Group (LEG). (Source)

You know what…THEY ARE GOING TO MAKE ME WRITE A LETTER!

Also, I just want you all to know that I will be casting for “IPS Girls” as well. Please send in photos, videos & resumes — but only if you look like that chick in the Kanye “Flashing Lights” video. She can beat me with a shovel anyday, holla! *fans self*

Who has the nerve to be marrying LUKE!? I got $5 on it that she was either an ex-”Luke’s Girl” or she’s been in at least 2 “music videos”.

Ugh, it’s a slow news day!

Posted by The IPS

Popularity: 52% [?]



In The Name of Samwell, I REBUKE THEE! New Gnarls Promo Pics

13 02 2008

Wow, ummm………………………….

……………………..*blank stare*

Peep these new Gnarls Barkley promo pics for their upcoming album. Now, OK, I know Gnarls Barkley are supposed to be all eclectic and zen and WHATEVER, but whomever’s idea it was to put Cee-Lo in a wedding dress Dennis Rodman-style needs to be immediately taken out back and flogged. DO NOT WANT.

And it’s not that Cee-Lo is ZESTY per say, but this is exhibiting zestay-like TENDENCIES. I’m just saying.

Danger Mouse is Kevin Michael in 10 years ROFL. Cee-Lo WOULD be the one wearing the dress though! WHY LO!? WHY!? “Closet Freak” indeed.

I have no words. I am truly speechless. I’m sure this “represents” seem deep explanation of how they are married to their music, blah blah blah, but just…no.

Again, I ask: What Would Marvin Gaye do!?

*dies and cranks dat with Ike Turner*

Posted by The IPS

Popularity: 42% [?]



This Isn’t Worth “Mess of the Moment”

11 02 2008

Kelis showed up to the Grammys to promote her man’s new album. Beyond the initial shock of people seeing the N-word on her back those Studio 54 pants, I’m sure they wondered what the hell she was doing there since she got dropped from Jive and hasn’t really been rushing to get a new singing deal. Or anything, for that matter.

This kind of desperate cry for attention is forbidden from being plastered on our wall of shame because it’s exactly what she wants. Sit tight, Andre Harrell!

Posted by J

Popularity: 24% [?]



Video: Laurieann Gibson - “Addictive”

6 02 2008


OMG OMG OMG OMG

DO
NOT
WANT.

I was *dead* in the first 15 seconds when it said “Somewhere in Boom-Kack, NY”! Not only is this broad delusional thinking anyone would care about her “singing career,” but she’s SO delusional she’s making up cities and ish LOL. I love it. Somewhere Pee Diddy is drunk on Ciroc watching this with Day26 (so geigh) and laughing their a**es off!

I don’t know what’s worse, this or “Rump Shaker” by Deelishes. And you just KNOW Laurieann didn’t have no permits to be in the subway, on the cars, on roofs, etc. They were dancing all fast because they saw the po-po’s coming down the street. Do her and Raz B. have the same videographer? LOL.
Laurieann…please take the “Power of the Boom-Kack” and return to your imaginary world in which you go platinum. Thanks!

She got all them dancers from P.S. 45 and paid them with chinese take-out from the corner bodega ROFL. This is a hot tail flaming melting supernova scorching mess! Bless her soul.

I guess she figured “Paula Abdul got a new video, I CAN DO THAT TOO!”

Posted by The IPS

Popularity: 25% [?]



Dangerously Out Of Tune

4 02 2008

Kelly, I ain’t mad. You better use that membership to the Wig Crypt and that discount to all-you-can-wear House of Deadwrong to your advantage! Stick ‘em for they paper ma!

WHEN Kelly Rowland can’t hit a high note, she calls in the big guns. The former Destiny’s Child member recently recorded a song in New York with Gym Class Heroes front man Travis McCoy, but struggled to hit one high note. So she called up her best pal Beyoncé, who showed up within the hour with six armed bodyguards in tow. She gave Rowland tips and coached her until she got it. (Source)

What Kelly needs to do is call Betty Wright from “Making The Band” with those magical drumsticks to help her get it together. “I love you foreverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!” 

Six bodyguards?! Dang, and how long has she known Kelly? LOL, did Bee think that Kelly was gonna kill her and put on her lacefront and some Pancake and go sleep with Jay-Z and see what it felt like to be a platinum worldwide music star?

I wonder how many bodyguards she shows up when Michelle needs help practicing her “Color Purple” songs? 20? LOL. Beyonce probably told her, “The only reason you are playing Shug Avery is because I was scratching my a** that day Michelle. Don’t forget that!”

Mama Knowles probably brings her root boxes along whenever all three of them are in the same room — just in case of course.

Posted by The IPS

Popularity: 25% [?]



No WIC For Amerie This Month! Yay!

30 01 2008


YouTube - Direct Video Link 
Amerie’s NBA on TNT Promo

LOL, I’m sorry I just can’t take Amerie seriously. She might be big across the pond, but we in America know better. I hope she got one of them “ballers” phone numbers…she’s gonna be sitting down somewhere soon LOL. She’d be a good trophy wife!

The minute that broad started krumping “Tommy the Clown” style in this vid, I laid on the floor in the dark and popped in my “Ms. Kelly” CD. And then I was DOUBLE dead and buried when she did the lil’ “slow wind” move.

Amerie’s beautiful man-hands and all, and I think she has a modicum of talent, but this tragedy just needs to end!

Posted by The IPS

Popularity: 21% [?]



Jamie Foxx Wants To Teach You How To Be A “Gent”

29 01 2008

Apparently our Diddy post got Diddy a lot of hits (oops!), and they emailed us thanking us. They also wanted to share this gem with us — Jamie Foxx is getting a reality show, and will teach hoodlums how to become high-post negroes! Well, where is Andre Leon-Talley when you need him!? I’m about to go murk me some writers Grand Theft Auto-style with my Kia*!! This foolishness is getting out of hand now.

MTV and Academy Award winner Jamie Foxx have teamed up with one ofthe Creators/Executive Producers of ROCK OF LOVE & FLAVOR OF LOVE, for the next hit reality TV show.

FROM G’s to GENTS

- Are you a hustler?
- Do you have the passion and skills, but can’t catch a break?
- Is your self-worth measured by the number of fights you’ve won,
girls you’ve slept with, or weight of bling around your neck?

“From G’s to Gents” will take 15 young “G’s” and polish them up. Taking lessons in everything from Style and Grace, Etiquette, Chivalry, and Business Skills, the men will LEARN that with the right tools every G has the ability to be a true Gentleman – and a real shot at finding success.

The Stakes:  The G that makes it to the end of the competition will win a large cash prize and the opportunity to make their dream job and lifestyle a reality.

*dead*

You mean Lil’ Daryl above is gonna help me become a gentleman? I thanks not! (Not thinks, THANKS!)

LOL, you know what, a picture is worth a thousand words. In the vein of that all wise saying, I submit the following 2,000 word essay:

Read the rest of this entry »

Popularity: 25% [?]



Don’t Think This Will Make Us Care About You

24 01 2008

Sigh.

Diddy is changing his name again.

The new title Combs is considering ties in with the brand name of his signature aftershave, and says the name reflects where he’s at in his career. “I have always evolved and taken a different name each time.

“Right now I want to be Sean John because that’s where I am right now”. (Source)

This is some Grade A Fuckery, fresh from the Foolywang Farm. Expiration date: About seven years ago, the last time someone cared about Puff the Magic Dragon or any of his stupid ass names. He can call himself “Rubber Chickensuit” for all I care, I’m not buying another one of his records.

Posted by J

Popularity: 35% [?]



Ja Rule, Now You Know How WE Feel!

22 01 2008

 

LOL, it took him this long to realize how terrible that song was? Hindsight is 20/20 MOMOFOOKA!

Ja Rule cringed and covered his ears when his J.Lo duet “I’m Real” played during a Clippers game in Los Angeles. Sorry, Ja — some mistakes are built to last! (Source)

If he just cringes on this song, I wonder if he goes into conniptions and seizures when his “hit” duet with Ashanti on “Mesmerize” comes on? That song & video gives me hives. Ja Rule ain’t been good since Lil’ Mo was “putting it on him”. I actually liked “Holla Holla” — I should throwback that.

If I had been at that game, and a couple rows up, and sitting behind a big white man or something (LOL!), I would have TOTALLY thrown some licorice at that wombat lookin’ negro LOL!

As soon as I heard that opening line, “What’s my muthaf*ckin’ ______” *throws cup of soda*

LOL. However, I will say that I didn’t think “Body” the song was THAT bad. The video is another story. Ja Rule can’t catch a break no more LOL.

Posted by The IPS

Popularity: 24% [?]



I Guess Johnny Wasn’t Having That ONE BIT

16 01 2008


FAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!

Great day in the mawning, Eddie and Tracey have broken up!!!

Just two weeks after their wedding, Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds have split, according to People.

The couple tied the knot on New Year’s Day on a private island near Bora Bora in French Polynesia.

They began dating fall 2006 and were engaged in July.

However, the wedding ceremony was a spiritual ceremony and the couple planned on having a legally binding ceremony upon returning to the U.S. However, since that ceremony never took place the couple was never official married to begin with.

Murphy, 46, has five children from his previous marriage to Nicole Mitchell Murphy, who filed for divorce in 2005. He also has a daughter with Spice Girl and “Dancing With the Stars” alum Mel B.

Edmonds, a 40-year-old movie producer, has two sons from her 12-year marriage to R&B singer Kenneth “Babyface” Edmonds. As head of Edmonds Entertainment, she has produced the film and television series “Soul Food.”

Murphy’s film credits include “Dreamgirls,” “The Nutty Professor,” “Shrek” and “The Beverly Hills Cop” franchise. (source)

THIS nigga right cheah…..LAWD. I do declare, if Eddie don’t quit playing with these black women’s emotions, he’s gonna end up with a Mama Tina root box, Juanita Bynum word curse, Angela Bassett “Car on Fire” “Waiting to Exhale” style, tired slashed and car keyed Tamela Jones style from “Friday After Next,” and Johnny Gill giving him the herpes or something. He messing with EVERY ones emotions.

This is a mess. I won’t even go into how they weren’t married in the first place — “Brandy” style with that “spiritual union” mess. Tracey woke the f!*k up and was like, “HELL NAW I DON’T WANT TO BE A BEARD! CALGON TAKE ME AWAY!!!!”

I’m glad. I can love you better than he can Tracey. Johnny’s brain game must be proper! LOL let me quit. Erin, I can’t get that Vesta video out of my head ROFL!

Posted by The IPS

Popularity: 24% [?]



Ma$e, Dig A Hole & Bury Yourself Playa

4 01 2008



Mason & Twyla Betha - Born To Succeed TV Promo Spot

“Green is for the money & gold is for the honeys!” — Bishop Don Magic Juan

I just wanted everyone to know I am starting a church next week. Sweet Minty Jesus Episcopal Ebenezer Temple of Everlasting Life & Wealth will hold it’s first service on Nevuarary 33rd, 2015. Please send all building fund offerings and promises of your virgin legal age daughters to 666 Mason DMX Road, Hellion, CA, 66666 in an extra large clear envelope. No checks accepted, CASH ONLY. And we don’t give receipts!

No reallly though, please riddle me this: who is watching this show? If Ma$e is your Pastor, please form a line to the right so that we can have Juanita Bynum lay hands on you, followed by Bishop Weeks laying ANOTHER hand on you!

I blame Diddy. And Rev. Run. Why Rev. Run? Well, he calls himself Rev. Run and sends out Blackberry inspiration notes. LOL. So shut up!

Spotted @ Nah Right

Posted by The IPS

Popularity: 27% [?]