Diddy the Salesman…

26 03 2008



You already know…(*grabs credit card*). Negro please…$30 for a shirt with font? No sir. The sad part about it is teenagers are gonna be causing all kinds of problems at school with these shirts. Y’all remember the story on them “Snowman” shirts, right? Click here if you don’t. Hell, why even bother with seanjohn.com when you can cop one from ebay for $147.50 [CLICK HERE]. (*SMH*)

Posted by Justin Time™

Popularity: 17% [?]



NEGRO PLEASE of the Week…

21 03 2008

Whaddup AHM? This is Justin Time (and no…that’s not my government name). I’ve been a AHM faithful since ahotmessblog.com was ahotmess.wordpress.com. Anyways…that’s the whole gist of things. Thanks to Erin and J for the opportunity. I’m not a replacement, I’m an addition. The IPS can never be replaced. Well..with that said, let me hit y’all off with the Negro Please of the week…

An “Oprah Winfrey Show” audience member is suing Harpo Studios Wednesday after some overzealous guests allegedly caused her to fall down a flight of stairs.

On Dec. 5, 2006, Orit Greenberg went to Harpo Studios to be an audience member for the Oprah show, according to a lawsuit filed in Cook County Circuit Court Wednesday.

Greenberg, along with an “excess number of patrons,” gathered in a waiting area before filing into the studio to be seated, the suit said. When the audience members were instructed to enter the studio and sit “where they wanted,” Greenberg claims she was pushed down stairs as the patrons “rushed the gate” while pushing and shoving one another.

The suit said Harpo management failed to properly control the crowd and was careless by allowing guests to seat themselves.

Greenberg allegedly suffered “severe and permanent injuries” from the fall, and is asking for more than $50,000 for medical care and other damages, the suit said. [source]

I had to insert the certified “Negro Please” face on this one. Let me get this straight…she was shoved by miscellaneous people, but sues Oprah for “falling” down the stairs? No ma’am. You must’ve bumped your head in mid step. I declare…if she wins this case, I’m inviting anyone to come with me to Bill Gates’ house, and we’re gonna run face first into his gated house, and sue him and Microsoft for “gate malfunctioning.”

Posted by Justin Time™

Popularity: 38% [?]



The Sears Catalog Came Early!

3 03 2008

We have a bit of an embargo on Bad Boy affiliated acts over here at AHM!, but since it’s such a slow news day I don’t see the harm in posting these pictures I found in the Olan Mills dumpster for our entertainment.

Diddles looks like he showed up to the Four Seasons in Beverly Hills for a brunch and tea party but instead took some promotional pictures for “A Raisin in the Sun”. The Mr. Rogers gear is bangin’ and I’m sure it will be for sale at Macy’s soon with a big ol’ Sean John riding down the buttons or something.

Posted by J

Read the rest of this entry »

Popularity: 41% [?]



Bust Out Your Soulja Boy Approved Fruity Loops Tracks!

21 02 2008


I HAD to use this picture again ROFL. I love it. It brings me joy.

Oh, I’m bout to TURN THIS MUTHA OUT.

I just wrote this song called “Jam That (I Seen A Leprechaun Say Yeah!)” and it would be perfectly for the Chocolate Crackbaby Troll Flava Flav.

VH1 has launched an online music competition that seeks beats for a new single from Flavor Flav. Through “VH1’s The Track with Flavor Flav,” music producers can upload their original audio tracks for consideration. One producer will be given the chance to record and co-produce Flav’s next single later this spring. To enter, submit original audio beats (no vocals) at www.FlavorOfLoveWorld.com through Thursday, March 13. Three finalists will be chosen by Flav. Fans will then vote online to determine the winner, which will be announced on April 1. (Source)

I’mma sample this video below, mix it up with some Lil’ Jon sine waves, add some Danjahandz drums, some B. Michael-Cox piano chords & strangs, ask Alicia Keys to play them chords for me, get T-Pain to add some vocoding, and then top it off with some Timbaland vintage baby cries (because babies cry when Flav comes around, real talk), record it with my Voice Memo on my cell phone, and send it to him via Yousendit LOL.


YouTube - Direct Video Link 

TELL me that isht won’t blow up! Someone page Tayzonday and tell him we need some his breathing on this track — I’mma make him a star-ruh!

*rolls eyes* I wish someone would send a virus to VH1 and shut them down. Seriously. Have New York run around that joint with her two week old cotton panties, I bet she’ll clear that joint OUT. I am SO tired of all these shows. Now Perez Hilton has a show! I’m so dead. Do they really really think anyone wants to hear a new Flava Flav song? If they do, I got a bag of cheeseburgers & a planet to sell them called Mars for cheap!

Posted by The IPS

Popularity: 47% [?]



Would YOU Wanna Dress Like Tom Sawyer’s Grandfather?

19 02 2008

Looks like Andre 3000 is back on this whole “I’m an individual, I’m special, I do weird shit therefore I am” tip and is releasing a new clothing line. Damn! I just want him to focus on getting back with Big Boi and putting out something hot but I’m sure he thinks that’s too “banal”.

The rapper/actor discussed his Benjamin Bixby line and his as-yet untitled solo album with New York Magazine.

[Benjamin Bixby] is a character who’s kind of like your uncle, or your granddad,” says Andre. “And he has a closet full of experiences and clothes, and he’s been around the world.Unlike Outkast Clothing, the Benjamin Bixby line is expected to be carried in upscale retailers, such as Barney’s. Andre also says he’s been visiting Italian factories and Parisian textile fairs, while taking style advice from Vogue editor and noted fashionista Anna Wintour.

Although he’s been keeping busy with fashion and acting, Andre 3000 also expressed hopes of releasing an album this fall in a recent interview with Vibe.

“[Production will be handled by] Organized Noize, myself, and whoever got some heat. You know, I’ve been producing since ATLiens,” adds Andre. “Even with music, I never say, ‘Well, we [Outkast] got to put out a record every year.’ I just want to express any way I can, whether it’s film, music, or fashion.” (Source)

Ugh, another album full of weird noises and him singing all the damn time. Look, I appreciate the “uniqueness” and all that mess but come on, I’m an OutKast fan first and foremost, not checking for Andre solo. So that’s why I’m not getting too hype about this.

He needs to stop with this clothing line, too. A character like your granddad? I’m not trying to dress the way my grandfather did! Granted, he worked in the fields and wore sun hats a lot… oh wait, that’s the shit Andre wears. A mess at them carrying it in Barney’s. He really thinks people with money who shop at Barney’s wanna dress like they just came from a raft trip with Tom Sawyer? SAT. DOWN.

Posted by J

Popularity: 23% [?]



Sweet Minty Jesus Be A Wet Ones! Khia’s Back.

18 02 2008

LOL, oh lord Jesus…this woman…she’s about as sexy as a drowned monkey, but she’s hustling. She making herself “semi-relevant” again with all this reckless talk about Janet and her general just “I’m nasty, I’m a thug, I got that panty pudding!” nonsense.

She also has a new song called “Ass Talk” that is SURE to inspire young girls everywhere to step their booty clap game up. It’s LIFE-CHANGING YA’LL! And I don’t know about ya’ll but I thought “Snatch The Cat Back” was a classic.

Khia kind of intrigues me. She’s like those people on American Idol who really really CAN’T sing, but in THEIR minds they are Celine Dion and Beyonce’. Her mom and friends tell her, “Gurl you da bomb! You better than a Trina n’ isht!” She gets all puffed up, takes out her Dr. Seuss books and gets to work, and then effs for tracks and low budget videos and makes a career out of it.

Can’t knock the hustle!

*sprays down A Hot Mess with hospital-grade lysol*

More pics after the jump, unfortunately.

Posted by The IPS Read the rest of this entry »

Popularity: 31% [?]



Not A Good Look For Snoopy Dawg

14 02 2008

THAT GLOVE
THAT GLOVE
What in the name of Michael, Paris, Prince & Blanket Jackson is going on!?

That’s just a negatory sir.

I don’t know who styled this cover shot, but they made Snoop look like a Velvet GangstER.

They didn’t even downplay his rodent-like features. * smh *

All that Roscoe’s Snoop eats, WHY is he so thin. He’s giving me plenty of Winehouse with that arm, it’s kind of scary. And his sexy smirk side-eye is just all wrong.

I vote no! How about this month everyone goes & buys a copy of Wall Street Journal. Let’s shock the clear people! LOL.

Spotted at Nah Right

Posted by The IPS

Popularity: 55% [?]



Aretha Calls 9-Wah-Wah On The Grammys

12 02 2008

Aunt ReRe needs to sit down and have a bowl (or seven) of ice cream to get over this because the rest of us just don’t care.

When Beyoncé and Tina Turner hit the Grammy stage for their high-octane duet, most folks were left in awe. But the woman known as the “Queen of Soul” was left a bit dismayed after Beyoncé introduced Turner as “the queen.”

An offended Aretha Franklin says in a statement, “I am not sure of whose toes I may have stepped on or whose ego I may have bruised between the Grammy writers and Beyoncé, however I dismissed it as a cheap shot for controversy. In addition to that, I thank the Grammys and the voting academy for my 20th Grammy and love to Beyoncé anyway.”

There was no immediate comment from Beyoncé or the Recording Academy. (Source)

I think enough people have kissed those oversized mammaries for a lifetime, hmmm? Does it REALLY matter that you didn’t get ALL the shine for once? Did you copyright the word “Queen”?

The worst part about this is I totally saw it coming as soon as Bey-Bey introuced Anna Mae. Maybe if Aretha decided to put on something other than a “2002 prom dress” (NaeNae, you a fool for that one) that looks like it’s three sizes too small and keep her jug-ulars in check we’d be more inclined to “properly honor her”.

Posted by J

Popularity: 28% [?]



This Isn’t Worth “Mess of the Moment”

11 02 2008

Kelis showed up to the Grammys to promote her man’s new album. Beyond the initial shock of people seeing the N-word on her back those Studio 54 pants, I’m sure they wondered what the hell she was doing there since she got dropped from Jive and hasn’t really been rushing to get a new singing deal. Or anything, for that matter.

This kind of desperate cry for attention is forbidden from being plastered on our wall of shame because it’s exactly what she wants. Sit tight, Andre Harrell!

Posted by J

Popularity: 24% [?]



Video: Laurieann Gibson - “Addictive”

6 02 2008


OMG OMG OMG OMG

DO
NOT
WANT.

I was *dead* in the first 15 seconds when it said “Somewhere in Boom-Kack, NY”! Not only is this broad delusional thinking anyone would care about her “singing career,” but she’s SO delusional she’s making up cities and ish LOL. I love it. Somewhere Pee Diddy is drunk on Ciroc watching this with Day26 (so geigh) and laughing their a**es off!

I don’t know what’s worse, this or “Rump Shaker” by Deelishes. And you just KNOW Laurieann didn’t have no permits to be in the subway, on the cars, on roofs, etc. They were dancing all fast because they saw the po-po’s coming down the street. Do her and Raz B. have the same videographer? LOL.
Laurieann…please take the “Power of the Boom-Kack” and return to your imaginary world in which you go platinum. Thanks!

She got all them dancers from P.S. 45 and paid them with chinese take-out from the corner bodega ROFL. This is a hot tail flaming melting supernova scorching mess! Bless her soul.

I guess she figured “Paula Abdul got a new video, I CAN DO THAT TOO!”

Posted by The IPS

Popularity: 25% [?]



I’m Tuning OUT

5 02 2008

Flavor Flav is set to co-star with Kelly Perine (yes, from “One On One”) in a new sitcom called “Under One Roof” airing on MyNetworkTV. Really? I think more people watch the Public Access channel in my hometown than MyNetworkTV.

According to TV Week, the show will focus on Flav, who plays an ex-con, and his relationship with his rich, conservative brother, played by Kelly Perine after they become roommates.

The Fox owned network, MYNetworkTV, has purchased thirteen, 30 minute episodes of the show and plans on premiering it in the spring. (Source)

To be honest, I’d rather see a piece of burnt shit starring in a sitcom. Oh wait… I guess that’s what this is.

Posted by J

Popularity: 21% [?]



Bill Cosby To Put Out Rap Album

31 01 2008

I think I’m going to have to come up with a new category tag because of this post. “Not Enough Tags In The World” is what it’s going to be called.

Bill Cosby - a staunch critic of some rap music - is set to release a Hip-Hop album called State of Emergency, which will be a sanitized, issue-oriented CD.

Sources told AllHipHop.com that the actor, comedian and philanthropist will address issues like proper parenting, teen pregnancy, drug abuse, Black-on-Black crime and the dropout rate in America’s high schools.

Cosby’s album will not contain any profane language, nor will it offer any denigrating comments towards women.

State of Emergency would be the 35th album for the legendary comedian, actor, who released his first album Bill Cosby is a Very Funny Fellow in 1963. (Source)

The Huxtables are really showing their asses today!

Because who has time to verbally denigrate women when you’re too busy physically denigrating them.

If this actually comes to fruition, I’m gonna quit this bitch and y’all will have to call the MIB to replace me with “K” on this blog. I’d rather listen to the rugrats from Kidz Bop rap than Bill Cosby talking about “DON’T. YEEEEEEWWWWS. THE N-WORD, DOHHHHHHHH. PUDDING!”

Posted by J

Popularity: 42% [?]



No WIC For Amerie This Month! Yay!

30 01 2008


YouTube - Direct Video Link 
Amerie’s NBA on TNT Promo

LOL, I’m sorry I just can’t take Amerie seriously. She might be big across the pond, but we in America know better. I hope she got one of them “ballers” phone numbers…she’s gonna be sitting down somewhere soon LOL. She’d be a good trophy wife!

The minute that broad started krumping “Tommy the Clown” style in this vid, I laid on the floor in the dark and popped in my “Ms. Kelly” CD. And then I was DOUBLE dead and buried when she did the lil’ “slow wind” move.

Amerie’s beautiful man-hands and all, and I think she has a modicum of talent, but this tragedy just needs to end!

Posted by The IPS

Popularity: 21% [?]