A Hot Mess!

Ok…here’s the story from msnbc.com (sent by Markisha):

updated 8:21 p.m. CT, Wed., April. 16, 2008

MADRID, Spain - Seven middle-aged Spanish mothers who posed for a tongue-in-cheek nude calendar — a fundraiser for their children’s tiny, rural school — are now saddled with debt and 5,000 unwanted copies.

One of the photos shows the mothers with Christmas tinsel as their only garb — no private parts on view. Other goofy poses include a shotgun-toting mother wearing only a fox pelt and kneeling on a table, and another shows a woman covering her body with a red umbrella on a picnic table.

A group of British women made more than a million pounds and worldwide headlines when they came up with the idea of a discreet nude calendar for 2000 to raise money for leukemia research. Their story was made into a hit movie, “Calendar Girls.

[Here’s more to this story…Read on]

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Popularity: 2% [?]

SMH. I never thought it’d come to this, but Chilli’s slangin’ bootleg bags, y’all. No, they aren’t the Prada knockoffs you can get on Canal (that would be better), these are some bags with blank canvases that you can personalize. I thought Michael’s trademarked this like fifty-leven years ago, but I guess not.

Bags by Chilli’s personalized photographic handbags allow you to advertise yourself, your loved ones, your hobbies, your passions, your travels, your artwork, your company or anything you desire–it is all up to you! Put yourself in the designer seat and decide what you will walk around advertising everyday. The Bags By Chilli logo is not displayed anywhere on the outside surface of your bags. There is only a discrete interior label. (MORE)

First of all, it’s “discreet” — “discrete” is a math term. (/end English major rant) Second of all, “Bags by Chilli”? Really? If she was gonna go this route you mean to tell me she couldn’t have come up with something better than that?

Look, I know she is coming out with a solo project and she was signed to Akon’s label for awhile — maybe she still is, but maybe she needs help paying for the promo. I’M NOT MAD AT HER BEING ON HER GRIND. But come on, you’re Chilli of TLC, I know y’all went bankrupt in ‘96 or whatever but I’m sure you have some “No Scrubs” money lying around. A customizable bag company? I really didn’t think you’d go out like this, my dear.

Posted by J

Popularity: 30% [?]

Saaphyri is still tryin’ it with this lip chap madness and this time she’s done her own version of Lil Mama’s “Lip Gloss”. I was gonna make a joke about her owing royalties but Lil Mama will be lucky if she can BUY some lip chap after the label bills her for all the expenses on this album that ain’t even out yet.

I’ll be honest, I’m about three Patron shots deep and I don’t have much to say about this. Maybe Saaph can go into comedy because I think she would thrive there.

Posted by J

Popularity: 19% [?]

Here’s a promo poster for the new comedy Tropic Thunder in which Robert Downey, Jr. plays a black soldier alongside Ben Stiller and Jack Black.

He doesn’t even look black! I mean, I know that should go without saying since he’s a white dude, but if they were gonna try and get away with this foolishness, they could have at least done it right! He looks like one of those white boys from the Saturday Night Fever era with those sideburns and that he fell asleep in a bath of Lindsay Lohan’s fake tan.

Posted by J

Popularity: 28% [?]

Beyasha, Queen of the Damned and Camel Lights have taken out a marriage license that lasts for a whopping 60 days, according to People.

Beyoncé Knowles and longtime beau Jay-Z have taken out a marriage license in Scarsdale, N.Y., PEOPLE has learned.

According to a source, the pair obtained a license Tuesday morning. The document is valid for 60 days.

A rep for Beyoncé told PEOPLE, “No comment.” Jay-Z’s spokesperson could not be reached. (Source)

This is how all celebrity marriages should start because a lot of them don’t make it to the 60-day mark. Pam Anderson needs to look into this.

I’m sure there’s something more to this but I don’t have the energy or interest to even speculate.

Thanks not me (if not you, then who?)

Popularity: 18% [?]

From the AHM! mail room:

NICOLE SCHERZINGER OF THE PUSSYCAT DOLLS IS SHOOTING A TELEVISION
COMMERCIAL AND MUSIC VIDEO FEATURING HER NEW TRACK.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE THERE IN THE FRONT ROW AND GET ON SCREEN?

When: Tuesday, 1st April 2008

Time: 1pm sharp (ending at 5pm - however you can leave early if you
would like)

Where: Center Standing, Soundstage One, 3407 Winona Ave, Burbank, CA
91504

Parking: Street parking is available on Winona Ave

Clothing: Anything colorful or summery would be preferred

Dag, you know times is hard when they are combining a commercial for tampons or whatever this is into one of your music videos. To be fair, her label has spent about fifty-leven million on her project which is going nowhere. Pobrecita.

LOL @ them telling people they can leave early if they want. These jokes write themselves.

If any of you hot messes goes to this, I expect information and preferably pictures. If you can get close to the Schnuff that would be best. So go ‘head, get on your summery gear and get to Burbank!

And no, this isn’t an April Fools’, at least as far as I can tell. I hate this “holiday” because everytime I do anything someone has to make sure I’m not fooling. No, motherfucker, I wasn’t joking when I said I wanted my Mickey D’s burgers plain. I like them that way, OK? The ketchup and other “ingredients” come out of a damn squirt bottle anyway.

Posted by J

Popularity: 14% [?]

What in the hot piss is this? This makes BET Movies look like Shakespeare plays. ROF @ her husband, but *dead* at the hot mess she’s creepin with. There’s one shot where his lips takes up the whole screen. Man! Certified Hotmessness!

Posted by Justin Time™

Popularity: 22% [?]

Romeo and his pops Master P will star in a new horror film called The Pig People. I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried.

Rap mogul Percy “Master P” Miller and his son Romeo are preparing to star in their first full-length feature together in the new horror movie The Pig People.

The Pig People will star Romeo as “TJ,” one of five college students who venture into a haunted forest to shoot a documentary for their film class.

The students venture into the woods seeking to debunk an 18th century Louisiana myth surrounding the fearsome, half-human, half-swine “pig people.”

“I’ve never done a horror movie before,” said Romeo, who plans on majoring in film while playing sports at USC.

“It’s a different kind of acting and the challenge is really allowing me to take my game to the next level,” Romeo told AllHipHop.com “We’re gonna make the audience jump out of their seats with this.”

In addition to actor Daeg Faerch (Halloween), Romeo’s father, reformed gangsta rapper Master P., is co-starring in the movie as the film’s villain.

The Pig People is being produced by Vault Load Films and directed by David Gueringer and is scheduled to be released in 2009. (Source)

O, RLY Romeo? Some people go to Julliard or even join a Shakespeare troupe down at their local junior college, Romeo does The Pig People to up his acting game. Hey, different strokes for different folks.

I know I’m gonna end up renting this when it comes out straight to DVD some night when I’m bored. Getting drunk and watching movies like this is one of my joys in life. Like I said, different strokes…

Is it me or is something just “off” about father and son working together so much? Maybe I just have a twisted mind but I think it might be time for P to take Keyshia’s advice and “let it go”.

Posted by J

Popularity: 28% [?]

Apparently Parade Magazine is the new place to just “let it out”. Where have I been?! The last time I read Parade I think I was looking for a coupon or something. Does it still come sandwiched between the funnies and the real estate section? Is it longer than 7 pages (with ads) now?

Mariah took a bunch of “G-rated” pictures and I must say she looks a lot better here than when she’s showing her ass (literally) in some hoochie gear from Wet Seal. She also told them she’s “eternally 12″ and apparently she’s eternally a broken record too because I can’t keep track of how many times she’s said this. Check out the interview here.

A GANG of pics after the jump, plus peep Mimi’s new album cover over at DListed.

(Image Source)

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Popularity: 33% [?]

A reader of ours who prefers to remain anonymous (and I don’t blame you) sent us this little tidbit about Trina and Khia taking their beef from the streets to the ‘net. Now these broads didn’t get on YouTube or even MySpace but instead Bebo. HERRH!? I literally did not know this shit existed until I got this e-mail. This is some D-list social networking shit that is oh-too-fitting for these two.

I couldn’t really decipher much out of these blogs (Trina’s here and Khia’s here)because trying to read them took my IQ down about 15 points but the general idea is that they still don’t like each other. And none of us really care, still.

I leave you with this quote from Trina’s “Bebo” page about why she’s using “Bebo”:

>HONESTLY AND REALLY I DONT KNOW HOW I FOUND THIS SITE BECAUSE BEBO IS UNHEARD OFLIKE FORREAL BUT I THANK SOMEGIRL CAME TO MY MYSPACE PAGE AND WAS LIKE ARE YOU ON BEBO?I SAID NOBECAUSE I WASNT ON AT THAT TIME SO I TOOK MY AZZ AND WENT GOOGLING FOR BEBO AND I FOUND IT AND THAT`S WHY AND HOW IM ON BEBO

This is funny because if you replace the word “Bebo” with “Trina’s new song” and “Myspace page” with “A Hot Mess! e-mail”, she and I are on the exact same page.

Posted by J

Popularity: 53% [?]

Saaphyri’s been trying to push this Lip Chap shit ever since she won “Charm School”. Now there’s a commercial for it, which will probably air late at night in between spots for “Girls Gone Wild” and The Pussycat Theater.

I guess she spent all that prize money on developing the actual product with about $15.37 left over for marketing. Hope it was worth it!

I fell the fuck out when she said “You want some Lip Chap?” in her best sexy voice, then proceeded to LICK THE CHAP OFF HER FINGER. Is this shit edible too? It’s like PlayDoh or something? Let me know because that’s a stone that kills two birds. What?! I’m poor.

Props to Kamo for the heads up.

Posted by J

Popularity: 41% [?]

Get ready to line up around the block at 7-11 for this one! Lil’ Jon is putting out his own brand of wine.

The wine, called Little Jonathan Winery, reportedly includes a merlot, chardonnay and cabernet sauvignon. The wine is already being distributed in California and will hit shelves within the next two months. (Source)

LITTLE JONATHAN?! That sounds like the name of a doll or something. Don’t you get Chucky vibes?

As for this wine, I’ve never had a taste for cat piss mixed with red Kool-Aid and a hint of Bushmills, so I probably won’t be a fan of this.

Posted by J

Popularity: 48% [?]

I literally shouted “NO!” when I saw this picture of Beyoncé sporting a new wig. This has got to be some kind of joke. Did Kelly accidentally light one of the lacefronts on fire?

This looks like something Trina would wear but Beyonce? I’m really surprised by this. (One more after the jump.)

Oh, and lo siento for the lack of updates. I’m fighting off a cold and plus it’s a pretty slow news day.

Posted by J

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Popularity: 29% [?]

Rihanna bought a bunch of shitty pop art from Jack Gallery in LA’s Fairfax District. She just turned 20 so in addition to getting tattoos of sparkles and probably buying some kind of whips and chains as a joke, she got paintings that will reportedly go in both of her homes in LA and NYC. (Props to Just Jared)

I’m sure she thinks these are “rad” or whatever word Fefe Dobson would use to describe it. I’m mad at these paintings! This looks like some shit you’d see on a screen tee at Target for $10 a pop. And her ass probably bought these for ten grand. Rihanna’s a mess, though. I think it’s her age. I’m sure she has an “ice cream room” or something like that where she’ll hang these and her and her edgy friends will have an ironic laugh at them. (One more pic after the jump.)

Posted by J

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Popularity: 50% [?]

OMG OMG OMG OMG

DO
NOT
WANT.

I was *dead* in the first 15 seconds when it said “Somewhere in Boom-Kack, NY”! Not only is this broad delusional thinking anyone would care about her “singing career,” but she’s SO delusional she’s making up cities and ish LOL. I love it. Somewhere Pee Diddy is drunk on Ciroc watching this with Day26 (so geigh) and laughing their a**es off!

I don’t know what’s worse, this or “Rump Shaker” by Deelishes. And you just KNOW Laurieann didn’t have no permits to be in the subway, on the cars, on roofs, etc. They were dancing all fast because they saw the po-po’s coming down the street. Do her and Raz B. have the same videographer? LOL.
Laurieann…please take the “Power of the Boom-Kack” and return to your imaginary world in which you go platinum. Thanks!

She got all them dancers from P.S. 45 and paid them with chinese take-out from the corner bodega ROFL. This is a hot tail flaming melting supernova scorching mess! Bless her soul.

I guess she figured “Paula Abdul got a new video, I CAN DO THAT TOO!”

Posted by The IPS

Popularity: 26% [?]