Who in the hell left the gate open?

11 04 2008

What in the Mark Althavan Andrews is this gold-plated hot mess? I pray that they ain’t making a Meteor Man 2. He’s making this too easy for cops now. Every time he hugs a little girl, they turn green from his cheap gold-plated ass. I got to give it to him tho, he’s almost as creative as this dude…

(shoutout to illseed for this pic)



Posted by Justin Time™

Popularity: 47% [?]

OMG! The Hottest White Rapper since Eminem!

8 04 2008

Sometimes, I don’t even have to type a word. These joints speak for itself…I promise. Read the rest of this entry »

Popularity: 19% [?]

Throw Her Ass Under The Jail

3 04 2008

Naomi Campbell has been arrested once again, this time for striking a police officer at Heathrow Airport in Britain.

Campbell was pulled off a British Airlines flight to L.A. this morning after reportedly causing a huge stink when she says one of her — count ‘em — three carry-on bags was missing. The Sun says after she was yanked off the plane, cops had to be called because the supermodel flew into a rage when she was told she was unfit to fly. The anger management class superstar was hauled away “ranting and raving” from BA’s first class lounge after allegedly assaulting an officer. Where’s an assistant when you need one?!

Witnesses say they heard the model scream “get off me, leave me alone” as she was taken to the Heathrow police station. Hide your Blackberries! (Source)

They need to lock this trick up for good. Give her a life sentence. I’m sick of these broads getting away with this shit. Give her the Foxy Brown treatment.

They should put her and Remy Ma in the same cell. Imagine, Naomi boppin’ Reminisce over the head with a Dixie cup phone for taking her toilet paper and Remy shanking her ass for stealing her cigarettes.

Posted by J

Popularity: 21% [?]

Live from the Messtivities!

2 04 2008

Lawd Hammercy! Man…with all dat horse hair and all dem tracks, I was waiting for Seabiscuit to hop in the picture and crack a smile. I mean…man! How come PETA ain’t all over this? All them innocent horses! And if Bootz would deflate dem tittays, maybe she would’ve notice the flab escaping from her piss-colored wife-beater with the matching cumberbun around her thighs. And Bucky? Quick question. When did Glad bags started making capris? And that UPS-colored smedium sports jacket is not da business! And as for Trina…(*sigh*)…that COPPER dufflebag purse and SILVER-ish dress don’t match! Lookin like a Collection Plate. How it is a long sleeved mini dress? At least she opted to take the shoulder pads out. I know metal detectors went crazy when she left the store with that dress, talkin about…”I’m tryna go Platium!” [*insert Negro Please face*]

Here’s more from the track meet Trina’s Album Release Party:
Read the rest of this entry »

Popularity: 20% [?]

Please Mr. Postman

1 04 2008
Side note: I spent a good ten minutes looking for a decent picture of this broad and was so annoyed I wasted my time that I decided to use this one of her looking like a damn Oompa Loompa instead.

Remy Ma wants her fans to write letters to her judge in an attempt to get her sentence reduced after receiving four guilty verdicts last week. Get out your Washables and construction paper!

According to New York’s Daily News, over the weekend the Grammy nominated rapper’s MySpace page posted a message of endorsement aimed directly at her core fan base, pleading for admirers to send nice letters about her in hopes of receiving a reduced sentence.

Please write letters about how Remy and her music has positively affected you, influenced you, inspired you, etc… in hopes that the judge will be lenient in Remy’s upcoming sentencing,” the note read.

On Thursday March 27, a Manhattan jury convicted Remy (born Reminisce Smith) of first-degree assault and weapons charges for shooting her former friend in the abdomen last July in a beef over the rapper missing $3,000.

The MySpace message concluded “Thank you for all your support.” Letters are asked to be sent to lettersforremy@gmail.com.

Manhattan Supreme Court Judge Rena Uviller is set to hand the embattled rapper a sentence on April 23. Uviller denied Remy’s attorney, Ivan Fisher’s request for Remy to spend the remaining days, until the sentencing, at home with her son. (Source)

I’m sure all 16 of her fans are writing furiously as we speak, but if I were the judge I’d throw her ass under the jail for just coming out looking the way she does. I mean, this chick makes Foxy Brown look like a fashionista.

I can just picture it now, a bunch of high school dropouts writing the judge a letter ~*LyKe DiZ*~ talking about how Remy inspired them to walk around the metal detectors at P.S. 112 when they went to meet their pimp/dealer/girl who stole $3,000 (or $3.50) out of their purse in the bathroom.

Posted by J

Popularity: 19% [?]

Hot New Music from Solange!

26 03 2008


Let me stop lyin. I can’t even say that with a straight face. *dead* @ the background singers outshining her. Lawd Jesus? Sandman? KeKe Shephard? Somebody, come get this girl! She is a walking hand-me-down. She’s like the “Cc:” in an email. DO. NOT. WANT.

Posted by Justin Time™

Popularity: 21% [?]

NEGRO PLEASE of the Week…

21 03 2008

Whaddup AHM? This is Justin Time (and no…that’s not my government name). I’ve been a AHM faithful since ahotmessblog.com was ahotmess.wordpress.com. Anyways…that’s the whole gist of things. Thanks to Erin and J for the opportunity. I’m not a replacement, I’m an addition. The IPS can never be replaced. Well..with that said, let me hit y’all off with the Negro Please of the week…

An “Oprah Winfrey Show” audience member is suing Harpo Studios Wednesday after some overzealous guests allegedly caused her to fall down a flight of stairs.

On Dec. 5, 2006, Orit Greenberg went to Harpo Studios to be an audience member for the Oprah show, according to a lawsuit filed in Cook County Circuit Court Wednesday.

Greenberg, along with an “excess number of patrons,” gathered in a waiting area before filing into the studio to be seated, the suit said. When the audience members were instructed to enter the studio and sit “where they wanted,” Greenberg claims she was pushed down stairs as the patrons “rushed the gate” while pushing and shoving one another.

The suit said Harpo management failed to properly control the crowd and was careless by allowing guests to seat themselves.

Greenberg allegedly suffered “severe and permanent injuries” from the fall, and is asking for more than $50,000 for medical care and other damages, the suit said. [source]

I had to insert the certified “Negro Please” face on this one. Let me get this straight…she was shoved by miscellaneous people, but sues Oprah for “falling” down the stairs? No ma’am. You must’ve bumped your head in mid step. I declare…if she wins this case, I’m inviting anyone to come with me to Bill Gates’ house, and we’re gonna run face first into his gated house, and sue him and Microsoft for “gate malfunctioning.”

Posted by Justin Time™

Popularity: 38% [?]

Witness Claims To Have Seen Remy Ma Cock Gun At Victim

12 03 2008

The Remy Ma attempted murder trial continued yesterday with a witness testifying that he saw Remy cock her chrome gun before getting into a car and shooting victim Makeda Barnes-Joseph.

As proceedings began yesterday, Rem’s defense attorney Ivan Fisher said the shooting wasn’t intentional and that the gun had gone off during a struggle for the fire arm between his client and Barnes-Joseph.

But a student took the stand later and said that’s not what he saw.

Oluwole Ajudun, 21, testified that early on July 14, 2007, after a party in Greenwich Village, he saw Remy get out of her Cadillac Escalade with a “silver chrome” gun.

“I saw her cock it back and jump in Makeda’s car,” he said.

Just moments later, he heard a pop and saw Remy leave Barnes-Joseph’s car.

Another witness, Crystal Ricks, testified that she saw Remy get in the car, she heard a pop and she saw Remy get out of the car, but Ricks never saw a gun. (Source)

Well, looks like it’s a wrap for ol’ Rem. This is the ultimate case of “keeping it real gone wrong” and I’m sure she regrets shooting someone over $2,000. I know it’s a lot of money but it’s not that much. I guess if you’re Remy Ma $2,000 is probably needed to keep the lights on.

Posted by J

Popularity: 31% [?]

The Candyman Can(’t)

12 03 2008

Juelz Santana was busted driving in New Jersey with a suspended license, some pot, hollow-point bullets and a gang of candy. This just can’t be a good combination.

Rapper Juelz Santana is expected to appear in municipal court in New Jersey on Wednesday after police pulled him over for driving with a suspended license and found marijuana and hollow-point bullets in his Bentley, the Daily News has learned.

Santana, 26, whose real name is LaRon James, was arrested last week as he approached the entrance of his home in the gated Glenpointe community in Teaneck.

“This is bull—-,” Santana yelled when pulled over, Officer John Abraham said.

Abraham said he smelled marijuana and saw a green leafy substance on the center console as well as marijuana roaches and Dutch Master and White Owl cigars used to make blunts.

Santana, who was born in Harlem, also had a hand-rolled cigar laced with marijuana in his shoe, cops said.

In the trunk, police said they found 29 hollow-point bullets wrapped in a sock and $19,500 rolled in small bundles and hidden in a plastic bag filled with “hundreds of Jolly Rancher” candies.

Police also found a plastic sandwich bag of marijuana in the backseat of the cruiser, where Santana had been sitting after he was arrested. (Source)

Damn, where was Juelz going, to murk the candy lady who sells Tootsie Pops for a nickel a piece? Was she moving in on his market? I know times are hard since DipSet is breaking up or whatever but I never pictured him turning to the black market candy trade.

Posted by J

Popularity: 23% [?]

The Game Relocated To Different Prison

10 03 2008

The Game has been relocated to a different prison because of his ties to the Bloods. It sounds like he was getting hassled at the Twin Towers facility in East LA.

Contrary to published reports, The Game is still locked up in a Los Angeles area prison, a representative for the Compton, California rapper confirmed with AllHipHop.com today (March 10).

The Game’s lawyer Shawn Chapman Holley reportedly stated that the rapper was released from the Twin Towers Correctional Facility earlier today (March 10), after serving eight days of a 60 days jail sentence.

A representative for The Game denied the reports, stating the rapper was simply transferred from The Twin Towers facility, to another jail.

“He was transferred to an unnamed prison, due to his gang related background,” the source told AllHipHop.com.

The Game, who turned himself over to authorities on March 2, pleaded no contest to a felony charge of gun possession in a school zone in February.

The charges stem from an altercation at the Rita Walters Educational Learning Complex in South Los Angeles, in which the chart-topping rapper pointed a gun at another man during an argument after a game of basketball.

The Game is scheduled for an early release, but that will not occur until some time in April. (Source)

Well, sounds like he is doing well enough to be considered for early release, at least he’s not pulling a “Foxy” in there. I’m sure when he gets out he’ll tattoo a unicorn under his eye to represent mystical freedom or some shit.

Posted by J

Popularity: 23% [?]

Boosie Can Get You Arrested in Florida. What About Flo-Rida?

5 02 2008

A 19-year-old man was arrested in Brookville, Florida on Sunday (February 3) for singing a Lil Boosie song with explicit lyrics in the presence of children. According to Tampa Bay’s News 10, Amy Churchill, the children’s mother, called the police to report that Christopher Holder was yelling out profanities a he walked with two younger kids on Brookville’s Gordon Loop. An offense report notes that Churchill explained that she did not think her children should have to hear that sort of language. When deputies arrived, Holder explained that he was just singing a song by Baton Rouge artist Lil Boosie. The report revealed that Holder himself told the deputies that he didn’t believe that children should have to hear profanity either. Nonetheless, he was taken to the Hernando County jail and charged with disorderly conduct. It is unclear which Boosie track Holder was singing. (Jacked from XXL)

*Dead, buried & “crankin’ dat” with the angels*

No seriously, really!? We need to ride by this woman’s house playing “Pu**y Rel Good” by Jacki-O or “My Neck, My Back” by Khia. She needs to get it together. I’m sure the children at her kids school cuss more than a Lil’ Boosie song.

Have you heard little kids mouths’ these days? I was in Albertson’s Sunday night and some lady was cussing at her daughter cause she was putting stuff in the basket. “Stop fu*king putting stuff in the basket Suzy! You’re being spoiled!” The little girl said, “I’m putting this in the fu*king basket because I want it!” and proceeded to throw a tantrum on Aisle 6. I wanted to take my belt off for her! Suzy Q. wasn’t having that though.

I mean, at least in “Wipe Me Down” Boosie was talkin’ about the “Ninja Turtles.” LOL, she needs to hit rewind.

The day they arrest me for singing is the day I strap a bomb onto myself and go blow something up. First stop? Bad Boy LOL! What is this, Big Brother?!

Posted by The IPS

Popularity: 24% [?]

Foxy Wants Out For Health Reasons

16 01 2008

Fox Boogie has applied for another appeal as of yesterday, and wrote a handwritten letter to the judge to plead for leniency:

Rapper Foxy Brown, serving a year-long prison term stemming from an assault charge, has asked a New York judge for early release to treat an ear condition she fears could threaten her hearing.

“I ask you to please take into consideration that my health is in jeopardy,” Brown wrote in a four-page handwritten letter to Judge Melissa Jackson. The letter was part of an appeal filed late yesterday (Jan. 15) at New York State Supreme Court.

“Yes, I’ve made some bad choices and stupid mistakes. But please understand that sitting in a prison with murderers and criminals is not rehabilitating or what I need to deal with my inner issues.”

Brown’s lawyer, Laura Dilimetin, said in court papers that Brown’s ear condition makes continued incarceration unfair. In January 2006, Brown underwent surgery to have an electronic device implanted in her right ear to reverse “profound hearing loss,” Dilimetin said.

The only doctor who has successfully treated Brown’s condition — and complications with the implant — is based in California, she said. “If her hearing is damaged any further, it will affect the way she hears and it will affect the way she sings. It will have dire consequences on her ability to maintain her profession and livelihood,” Dilimetin said.

Brown says that she has learned her lesson. “Up until now, you’ve only heard about Foxy Brown the artist. I’d like to show you Inga Marchand the beautiful person that my mom raised me to be,” she wrote “Jail has shaken me to my core, and my time away has impacted me greatly.” (source)

I think Inga has been in long the clink long enough. I do feel kind of sad for her, because the thought of losing my hearing makes me convulse and shake like a crackhead for $3 dollars. GIVE INGA FREE, and then throw Marion Jones’ “Pinocchio” a-asterisk-asterisk in that same cell so she can ponder herself over what she done did! LOL!

I know one thing — if she ain’t rehabilitated enough and she still come out getting her Naomi Campbell on, I will officially give up on her and pretty much all female rappers. The side of the game is just tragedy.

I’m going to print up my “Free Foxy!” t-shirts right now. I am taking pre-orders! Also taking bets for how soon she smacks a b*tch with a Louboutin pump and ends up back in that joint. The odds are good! Get that money in!

Posted by The IPS

Popularity: 20% [?]

Wesley Calls On Jesus To Pay The Rest

15 01 2008

He kind of looks like Sam Jackson in this picture…

Wesley Snipes snuck in a last minute prayer apparently at a prayer service before he went into court for his tax evasion trial. Now why he think God gonna bless him after he been stiffing Uncle Sam. Even Jesus said “give Caesar’s what is Caesar’s.” God don’t like ugly Noxeema Jackson!

Snipes, a Bronx-born but Orlando-bred actor, is charged with conspiring to defraud the government in filing a false-income tax claim for a $7 million refund. The federal indictment also accuses him of failing to pay taxes on $38 million he earned in his film career from 1999 to 2004. Lawyers for the Jones High School alumnus caused a stir this morning when they read a star-studded list of possible defense witnesses. The names included Muhammad Ali, Tom Brokaw [WTF? - The IPS], Woody Harrelson, Goldie Hawn, Spike Lee, Diane Sawyer, Paul Simon, Sylvester Stallone and Barbara Walters.

Frank Thompson, pastor of the Worship Center in Orlando, said he was among about 150 people who prayed with Snipes about 7:15 a.m. today at the Greater New Bethel Missionary Church in Ocala.

“We just prayed for favor, fairness and deliverance,” Thompson said. “That’s all we want for him.” (source)

I’m not mad at him getting prayer. I’ll even send up a quick smoke signal to Sweet Minty Jesus in hopes that Wesley don’t get locked up with Mr. Biggs AKA Ron Isley. If they will lock up Ron Isley’s old-jheri-curl-just-had-a-baby tail Wesley, things ain’t looking too good for you playa! I hope he remembers some of them Blade moves — he might need ‘em in the joint.

This is a warning to ya’ll — STAY AWAY FROM PASTOR MA$E & HIS TEACHINGS!


Posted by The IPS

Popularity: 19% [?]

I Rebuke You In The Name of Sweet Minty Jesus Raz B!

3 01 2008

Raz B, Chris Stokes & Ricky Romance (still dead at that name) had DINNER together at Mr. Chow’s and TMZ got it on tape. It is SO obvious that they wanted to be caught on tape. You don’t go to Mr. Chow’s unless you want to be seen. If you don’t, you go to Cheesecake Factory in the Valley, Sherman Oaks.

I am so upset that these fools played us. Raz B needs to give his momma back them Dolce & Garbanzobean glasses he stole out of her purse. LOL @ Jerome (I forgot his IMX name) over there hiding behind the flower man!!

I’m putting a Spicy Creole hex on these three right now and I hope the rest of Ricky No-ma’am’s hair falls out. I hope Raz B catches a fierce case of lip herpes on them huge soup coolers that even Saaphyri’s lip chap can’t fix, and I hope Chris Pokes gets ran up in what-what by Samwell. I am too through with these shenanigans.

Sweet Minty Jesus be a Ricki Lake lie detector show for these “stars”! ALL RAZ B PRAYER CIRCLES ARE OFFICIALLY DISBANDED!

Posted by The IPS

Popularity: 31% [?]

Sweet Minty Jesus Is About To Rain Down Fire on DMX

2 01 2008

I done heard and seen it all. First Mase was a Pastor, then he decided he liked trannies in ATL so he became Murda Ma$e again, but now he’s preaching. DMX was a rapper, then he wanted to be a Pastor, then back to a rapper, and now he’s doing Gospel albums!? Tashera Simmons will NOT be MY first lady!

These rappers really need to stay on their meds and quit playing with people’s emotions!

Many of DMX’s conversations with God have been a matter of public record since his career bloomed to superstar status in 1998. His catalog features nearly as many inspirational ghetto hymns — such as “Lord Give Me a Sign,” “A Minute for Your Son” and “The Prayer” — as it does party anthems and street-corner knockers, and in 2006 he pondered changing his name for “spiritual reasons.” But now, the Dog has decided to go in full-throttle with his first-ever gospel-rap album, which he told MTV News will be coming out this year.

“I [was] the first n—a to put out two albums in one year [It’s Dark and Hell Is Hot and Flesh of My Flesh, Blood of My Blood in 1998], now I’m gonna hit ‘em again — drop two albums on the same f—in’ day, yo,” X said from his home in Arizona on Friday. “A double album will make mutha—-as mad [not saved?], because they gotta spend more money — plus it’s already a long [double] album. I’m talking about a hip-hop album and a gospel album.”

Combined, the project will be called Walk With Me Now and You’ll Fly With Me Later.

The Walk With Me Now portion will be dedicated to straight-up, raw raps, while the latter will feature his non-secular undertaking.

As for the gospel album, X noted that the lyrics will be “without cursing — how ’bout that one? No songs about b—-es, no songs about robbing, just straight ‘Give God the glory.’ ” [The IPS passes out from the irony of this statement]

Read more here

LOL, I found a gif this weekend that describes this perfectly:

Can  you imagine a DMX Gospel album!? “Thank you Jesus…for saving me from killing them m-fer’s…RUFF RUFF HOWWWWWWL BARK BARK JESUS SAVES NIGGAS! PRAISE HIM NIGGA!”

If he does a love song with Yolanda Adams I am officially turning in my Jesus piece and going to sell my chocolate body on Broadway. This is getting out of HAND! I’d buy a Fonsworth Bentley matching Umbrella/CD/Tie set before I bought a DMX Gospel album, sorry. DMX once cranked out hits, consistently. Now he probably just does crank, consistently.

Posted by The IPS

Popularity: 28% [?]