WTF story of the Day: (’Entreprenegroship’ coined by Mika)

15 04 2008

I tried. I promise, I tried. I said to myself, “self…you need to call it a day.” I’m currently posting while tryna work a full time job. But man…when I read this story, I was looking for the pink slip of life. Here’s the story (hot mess in bold): Read the rest of this entry »

Popularity: 26% [?]

*Candidate for Hot Mess of The Year: Dumb Robber

10 04 2008

This negro is stoopid (with the two 0’s). I can’t even formulate words. He is definitely a candidate for Hot Mess of the Year.
Oh God. I’m just *dead* at the whole thing. Seriously…I’m speechless on this one.

Posted by Justin Time™

Popularity: 48% [?]

Caption This!

9 04 2008

(pic from msantina)

Negro, take that extra young smedium jacket off (even the gator looks like he can’t breathe).  SMH!  Fisher Price: My First Shades (*hot mess not included*)

Posted by Justin Time™

Popularity: 34% [?]

“She get it from her Mama”

8 04 2008

Ladies and gents…if you look to your right (side panel), you will see the Mess of the Moment.  If you still can’t see it, here it is in zoom view:

 Ok…now I know you’re like, “Why Justin? Why are you showing us this human hot mess again?”  Well, I’m doing this to teach you all that Hot Messness can be hereditary.  Feast your eyes on exhibit A: Read the rest of this entry »

Popularity: 19% [?]

Mess of The Moment: Zoe Kravitz (the new Queen of Hot Mess)

3 04 2008

What in the flaming hot piss is she wearing? Who gave her a Goodwill gift card? Did she shank Mrs. Buttersworth? And them spandex!! Lawd! It looks like Amy Winehouse climbed a fence, got her leggings caught in it, took em off and said…”Here Zoe!” (*shakes my head*) And them shoes! What was she doing? Skating on rocks? She can’t be scuffin her Air Pinocchios like that. Damn…did the strap break on her Alligator-coated purse? That was one ashy azz alligator. He must’ve had athlete’s foot, ankles, azz, etc. Overall, she probably spent more on one McNugget than for her entire outfit. Here’s more from the Black Amy Winehouse.

Posted by Justin Time™
Read the rest of this entry »

Popularity: 33% [?]

Live from the Messtivities!

2 04 2008

Lawd Hammercy! Man…with all dat horse hair and all dem tracks, I was waiting for Seabiscuit to hop in the picture and crack a smile. I mean…man! How come PETA ain’t all over this? All them innocent horses! And if Bootz would deflate dem tittays, maybe she would’ve notice the flab escaping from her piss-colored wife-beater with the matching cumberbun around her thighs. And Bucky? Quick question. When did Glad bags started making capris? And that UPS-colored smedium sports jacket is not da business! And as for Trina…(*sigh*)…that COPPER dufflebag purse and SILVER-ish dress don’t match! Lookin like a Collection Plate. How it is a long sleeved mini dress? At least she opted to take the shoulder pads out. I know metal detectors went crazy when she left the store with that dress, talkin about…”I’m tryna go Platium!” [*insert Negro Please face*]

Here’s more from the track meet Trina’s Album Release Party:
Read the rest of this entry »

Popularity: 20% [?]

NEW MESS OF THE MOMENT: “Hey April…come get your fool!”

1 04 2008

Denzel…you are off the hook. This is the New MESS OF THE MOMENT!

I swear I caught STDs just looking at this pic. The creator of stank should sue for copyright infringement.

Posted by Justin Time™ (please say the ™)

Popularity: 20% [?]

Clean & Clear That Ho

21 03 2008

Somebody, somewhere in Soulja Boy’s camp thought it would be a good idea for them to show us him getting a pimple the size of Jamaica popped off the side of his head. The best part is he didn’t even do it! He had one of his goons do the shit for him. Now that’s some Mariah Carey shit for you. Forget weed carriers, when the gravy train conductor is 16, you may or may not have to pop zits for him.

I was trying to think of some good jokes but all the good ones were already said in this video. “That pimple has a pimple!” “That pimple is pregnant!” “Like Plies said, bust it baby!”

That was foul beyond foul’s belief. It looked like he got shot at the end! I didn’t know that much blood could come from a pimple. I thought his ass was gonna bleed out!

Posted by J

Popularity: 31% [?]

Tocarra Gets Brolic On ‘Celebrity Fit Club’

20 03 2008

I’m late on this, but I had no idea she was really wilding out like this. She looks/sounds demented! I was laughing at that white lady judge. The drill instructor was scared Tocarra was gonna put feet on her!

Posted by J

Popularity: 38% [?]

Billie Jean Won’t Take No For An Answer!

12 03 2008

A woman going by the name Billie Jean Jackson was arrested trying to break into Neverland Ranch earlier this week, claiming she was married to Michael and that it was her house, too. HEEEE-HEE!

Jackson, 60, told a security guard at the front gate of the ranch that she was Jackson’s wife and this was her ranch, too, reported the Santa Barbara County Sheriff’s Department.

The guard, who had arrested Jackson multiple times before on suspicion of trespassing, turned her away.

Jackson moved a few yards down the road and climbed over a fence, the sheriff’s department reported. She was then detained by security.

Deputies responded to the ranch shortly after 6 p.m. for the trespassing call and Jackson was booked into County Jail on suspicion of trespassing. Her bail was set at $2,500. (Source)

Maybe she just wanted to feed Bubbles.

Posted by J

Popularity: 20% [?]

A-fur-mative Action

7 03 2008

Both Spike Lee and Pauletta Washington showed up to the Cat On A Hit Tin Roof after party looking like assholes, and neither of them could have done it without the help of some squirrels and raccoons that were probably digging in your trash last week.

I don’t mean to get all “PETA” on your asses but I think fur is tacky as fuck, at least in most circumstances. Not because I believe in the rights of chinchillas (what has a chinchilla ever done for me?) but because it just screams overcompensating. However, Spike decided to go a different route and just throw on whatever he could find, I think. I’m mad at that snow jacket he got from Marshall’s that he proceeded to sew a patch on repping his production company. Can we at least get this man a chain? Was Jacob the Jeweler too busy for spike?

Pauletta… well, let’s just say Foxy Brown’s stylist has managed to find work while the Ill Na Na is in the clink. She knows she needs to sit down with that eyeshadow and the Mary J. braid she found outside Geffen Records in the trash and dyed it black.

If you want an example of graceful aging and stunning beauty, check out Lynn Whitfield by contrast at the same event. Is this woman really 55? She looks fantastic.

Posted by J

Popularity: 54% [?]

Your Weekly Dose Of Ignorance: Woman Admits Cheating On Husband For Money

27 02 2008

The new game show “Moment of Truth” on FOX pits contestants against a string of increasingly uncomfortable questions that they must answer truthfully in order to win money. If they answer one untruthfully, they lose all the money they’ve earned from answering other devastating questions candidly.

Watch this chick admit to punking her husband out in a plethora of ways, and then losing at the last minute on a stupid question. This is what you get for being greedy and thinking anything is worth a little bit of scratch. This show is a fiery mess.

Props to jaycurtis for the heads up.

Posted by J

Popularity: 62% [?]

Aretha Calls 9-Wah-Wah On The Grammys

12 02 2008

Aunt ReRe needs to sit down and have a bowl (or seven) of ice cream to get over this because the rest of us just don’t care.

When Beyoncé and Tina Turner hit the Grammy stage for their high-octane duet, most folks were left in awe. But the woman known as the “Queen of Soul” was left a bit dismayed after Beyoncé introduced Turner as “the queen.”

An offended Aretha Franklin says in a statement, “I am not sure of whose toes I may have stepped on or whose ego I may have bruised between the Grammy writers and Beyoncé, however I dismissed it as a cheap shot for controversy. In addition to that, I thank the Grammys and the voting academy for my 20th Grammy and love to Beyoncé anyway.”

There was no immediate comment from Beyoncé or the Recording Academy. (Source)

I think enough people have kissed those oversized mammaries for a lifetime, hmmm? Does it REALLY matter that you didn’t get ALL the shine for once? Did you copyright the word “Queen”?

The worst part about this is I totally saw it coming as soon as Bey-Bey introuced Anna Mae. Maybe if Aretha decided to put on something other than a “2002 prom dress” (NaeNae, you a fool for that one) that looks like it’s three sizes too small and keep her jug-ulars in check we’d be more inclined to “properly honor her”.

Posted by J

Popularity: 29% [?]

This Isn’t Worth “Mess of the Moment”

11 02 2008

Kelis showed up to the Grammys to promote her man’s new album. Beyond the initial shock of people seeing the N-word on her back those Studio 54 pants, I’m sure they wondered what the hell she was doing there since she got dropped from Jive and hasn’t really been rushing to get a new singing deal. Or anything, for that matter.

This kind of desperate cry for attention is forbidden from being plastered on our wall of shame because it’s exactly what she wants. Sit tight, Andre Harrell!

Posted by J

Popularity: 25% [?]

Danity Kane Gets Reckless on Keyshia Cole

30 01 2008

Danity Kane Discuss Their Keyshia Cole Run-Ins

OHHHHH SNAP…Keylolo bout to go get Neffe’ and cut.some.snitches.up! Keyshia just mad that Aubrey’s hair is blonder than hers ROFL.

Danity Kane were on Miss Jones and were talking about how Keyshia Cole has been rude to them not once…not twice…but FIVE times. AND I’M DEAD at them bringing up the Youtube video of her sounding a hot mess. OMG I used to watch this video over and over and over and over and over again.

YouTube - Direct Video Link 

“Oooh Jesus help me please!”

Keyshia…she sounds better now, bless her soul. She’s had some lessons since then…I think this was like, last Easter or something. LOL.

Aubrey needs to stop though — the only microphone I’m sure she’s been singing into lately is Diddy’s and Donnie’s! She’s such a jezebel…Sweet Minty Spearmint Jesus wipe her down with disinfectant. She’s quickly becoming the least favorite…she needs to slooooow it down.

Posted by The IPS

Popularity: 36% [?]