TGIF - Let’s get this party started right!

18 04 2008

AHM would like to thank hotghettomess.com and Annette for these pics.

WARNING: IF YOU ARE AT WORK OR AT SCHOOL, PLEASE TAKE CAUTION TO THE FOLLOWING PICTURES. PARENTAL DISCRETION JESUS IS ADVISED. Read the rest of this entry »

Popularity: 44% [?]



Where’s Suge When You Need Him?

11 04 2008

Vanilla Ice was arrested at his Palm Beach, FL home last night for kicking (KICKING?!?) and striking his wife after an altercation. Wipe me down.

According to South Florida’s Sun-Sentinel, Vanilla Ice, born Robert Van Winkle was originally accused of striking and kicking his wife, Laura Van Winkle during an argument.

Vanilla Ice, 40, told police that he and his wife had been arguing since Wednesday, when he left there house to avoid an altercation.

He returned sometime last night and the married couple fought again.

By the time the police arrived at the Van Winkle’s home, the rapper’s wife told police she did not want any media attention and that he only pushed her.

Vanilla Ice was charged with domestic battery. He denied pushing or striking his wife.

The rapper served one year’s probation, after pleading no contest to a domestic violence charge in 2001, after he allegedly pulled hair from his wife’s head during an argument on Interstate 595. (Source)

Kicking? Yanking on her wig? This is some eighth grade girl behind-the-bleachers-after-P.E. shit. I don’t even have the energy to talk about this fuckery right now. Where was Sugar Bear Knight? He’s never around when you actually need him to hang a goon outside a window by his ankles.

Posted by J

Popularity: 40% [?]



WTF Story of the Day - 3rd Graders?

1 04 2008


(thanks Texas [a person…not the state] for the story)
Usually I don’t say my share until after the story, but…(*sigh*)…aight…I’m not gonna get ahead of myself. I’m sure you’re like…”What in the hell is that picture about?” Well…

This photo provided by Chief of Police of Waycross, Ga., Tony Tanner, Tuesday, April 1, 2008. A group of third-graders plotted to attack their teacher, bringing a broken steak knife, handcuffs, duct tape and other items for the job and assigning children tasks including covering the windows and cleaning up afterward, police said Tuesday. The plot by as many as nine boys and girls at Center Elementary School in south Georgia was a serious threat, Waycross Police Chief Tony Tanner said. [MORE ON THE STORY HERE]

Ok…first of all…them little nigglets PLOTTED this joint? PLOTTED? As in “a well thought out plan?” This ain’t iSpy! Kids done lost their damn minds! PLOTTED? I can’t get over that. They had ASSIGNED TASKS!!! Who was delegating this mug? Macaulay Culkin? This ain’t “School Alone!” Anyways…the task that got me was “cleaning up afterward.” *SMH* CLEANING? KIDS? WILLFULLY CLEANING? Wow. And here’s the final thing that sent me over the top. They bought a steak knife, handcuffs, duct tape, and “other” items. My questions are:

1. What were the “other” items? I see a sock (gloves) and a clear tube of some sort (paper weight) in the picture. What the hell were they gonna do with that? Make muppets? (question answered…thanks guys!)
2. Where are the parents? I know they all have parents because they assigned tasks such as CLEANING and PRIORITIZING.
3. Handcuffs? Handcuffs? How in the Jon Benet Ramsey do you have handcuffs readily available for a 3rd grader?
4. Who was the teacher? I mean really, what did this teacher do for the kids to PLOT? Only Michael Jackson and R. Kelly could make kids get this pissed.

Jesus…be a Hot Wheel or a Barbie Doll to these kids today. I blame Dora the Explorer, Diego, Charlie Brown, and all them miscellaneous shows with no parents. SMH. We need Jesus and Joe Jackson to be a fence.

Oh…I didn’t even tell y’all the MOTIVE behind the plot. I’ma let y’all read the full story and comment. I’m through.

Posted by Justin Time™

Popularity: 19% [?]



What A B****

21 03 2008

Kimora Lee’s dog Zoe recently passed away at the ripe old age of 18, and a distraught Kimora is considering immortalizing her forever by having her ashes made into a diamond.

She tells People.com, “You have to… grieve. It’s okay to take time and say this meant something to my life and (to) honor it. There is a company that makes diamonds out of your loved ones. They make diamonds from a little of the carbon from the ash, so I might do that. I might turn her into a diamond.” (Source)

So rich people are making their dead animals into diamonds now. This is what happens when people have too much money and get bored. They come up with ideas like this.

If I would have known about this I would have been scooping up strays left and right from the side of the road and brought them down to these fools. I’m just kidding. Mostly because I’m sure it costs a grand to have the “procedure” done.

I wonder if you could bring in a hamster’s ashes and have it made into a Cubic Zirconia?

Posted by J

Popularity: 29% [?]



DMX: “What The F*** Is A Barack?!”

17 03 2008

In the midst of an interview with XXL Magazine, DMX revealed he had no idea who — or what — Barack Obama is.

Are you following the presidential race?
Not at all.

You’re not? You know there’s a Black guy running, Barack Obama and then there’s Hillary Clinton.
His name is Barack?!

Barack Obama, yeah.
Barack?!

Barack.
What the fuck is a Barack?! Barack Obama. Where he from, Africa?

Yeah, his dad is from Kenya.
Barack Obama?

Yeah.
What the fuck?! That ain’t no fuckin’ name, yo. That ain’t that nigga’s name. You can’t be serious. Barack Obama. Get the fuck outta here.

You’re telling me you haven’t heard about him before.
I ain’t really paying much attention.

I mean, it’s pretty big if a Black…
Wow, Barack! The nigga’s name is Barack. Barack? Nigga named Barack Obama. What the fuck, man?! Is he serious? That ain’t his fuckin’ name. Ima tell this nigga when I see him, “Stop that bullshit. Stop that bullshit” [laughs] “That ain’t your fuckin’ name.” Your momma ain’t name you no damn Barack. (Source)

If it ain’t about dogs or crack, you can venture a guess that DMX doesn’t know what’s going on in any given topic.

I know Earl better sit down acting like his name is so sexy.

Posted by J

Popularity: 27% [?]



Your Weekly Dose Of Ignorance: “Dat Baby Don’t Look Like Me”

14 03 2008

This is ign’ance taken to a whole ‘nother stratosphere.

The clips of “Maury” in the beginning probably cost more to license than the Playskool microphone and Casio drumset this shit was recorded on. SMDH.

Posted by J

Popularity: 38% [?]



If It’s Not On ‘In Living Color’, Do Not Want

26 02 2008

Jamie Foxx must be bored or something because I was reading over at Juicy-News he’s set to play Mike Tyson in an upcoming biopic. I don’t know if this is going to be straight-to-DVD, BET Blackbuster or whatever but I just can’t see “mainstream” (ahem) audiences paying to see a story about his ass. The worst part is they will probably get Robin Givens desperate ass to play herself. I mean, she’s already playing Wendy Williams in that biopic. Um… yeah (I love you, Wendy!).

Tyson says, “Jamie Foxx and I will be working together. He will play me in the film about my life. We already talked about it several times.” Tyson also insists he is finally free of drugs for the first time in years, admitting he was never completely sober - even in his boxing heyday.

Now, if they got Keenen Ivory to do his impression from “In Living Color” and made it movie-form, I might go see that. Maybe. But this? This mess? Does Jamie need to pay off a baby mama? Owes some money to the mob? I don’t get this.

Posted by J

Popularity: 27% [?]



In The Name of Samwell, I REBUKE THEE! New Gnarls Promo Pics

13 02 2008

Wow, ummm………………………….

……………………..*blank stare*

Peep these new Gnarls Barkley promo pics for their upcoming album. Now, OK, I know Gnarls Barkley are supposed to be all eclectic and zen and WHATEVER, but whomever’s idea it was to put Cee-Lo in a wedding dress Dennis Rodman-style needs to be immediately taken out back and flogged. DO NOT WANT.

And it’s not that Cee-Lo is ZESTY per say, but this is exhibiting zestay-like TENDENCIES. I’m just saying.

Danger Mouse is Kevin Michael in 10 years ROFL. Cee-Lo WOULD be the one wearing the dress though! WHY LO!? WHY!? “Closet Freak” indeed.

I have no words. I am truly speechless. I’m sure this “represents” seem deep explanation of how they are married to their music, blah blah blah, but just…no.

Again, I ask: What Would Marvin Gaye do!?

*dies and cranks dat with Ike Turner*

Posted by The IPS

Popularity: 41% [?]



Mess of the Moment: ‘Tasia Mae Is Channeling Pepe LePew

7 02 2008

From classy…

TO ASHY.

Read the rest of this entry »

Popularity: 37% [?]



Bill Cosby To Put Out Rap Album

31 01 2008

I think I’m going to have to come up with a new category tag because of this post. “Not Enough Tags In The World” is what it’s going to be called.

Bill Cosby - a staunch critic of some rap music - is set to release a Hip-Hop album called State of Emergency, which will be a sanitized, issue-oriented CD.

Sources told AllHipHop.com that the actor, comedian and philanthropist will address issues like proper parenting, teen pregnancy, drug abuse, Black-on-Black crime and the dropout rate in America’s high schools.

Cosby’s album will not contain any profane language, nor will it offer any denigrating comments towards women.

State of Emergency would be the 35th album for the legendary comedian, actor, who released his first album Bill Cosby is a Very Funny Fellow in 1963. (Source)

The Huxtables are really showing their asses today!

Because who has time to verbally denigrate women when you’re too busy physically denigrating them.

If this actually comes to fruition, I’m gonna quit this bitch and y’all will have to call the MIB to replace me with “K” on this blog. I’d rather listen to the rugrats from Kidz Bop rap than Bill Cosby talking about “DON’T. YEEEEEEWWWWS. THE N-WORD, DOHHHHHHHH. PUDDING!”

Posted by J

Popularity: 41% [?]



Don’t Think This Will Make Us Care About You

24 01 2008

Sigh.

Diddy is changing his name again.

The new title Combs is considering ties in with the brand name of his signature aftershave, and says the name reflects where he’s at in his career. “I have always evolved and taken a different name each time.

“Right now I want to be Sean John because that’s where I am right now”. (Source)

This is some Grade A Fuckery, fresh from the Foolywang Farm. Expiration date: About seven years ago, the last time someone cared about Puff the Magic Dragon or any of his stupid ass names. He can call himself “Rubber Chickensuit” for all I care, I’m not buying another one of his records.

Posted by J

Popularity: 34% [?]



Let’s Be Honest: Do We Really Care?

23 01 2008

Rihanna got her 97th janky ass tattoo recently (does she realize these aren’t the same as the washable ones you get at Round Table Pizza?) and it looks a lot like Chris Brown’s, so people are speculating that they might be dating (she also borrowed his jacket last week). I don’t think they really are dating since this tattoo looks like something they keep on reserve for girls who come to the parlor at age 16 with a forged consent form and ask for something “pretty”. But if they really are, they should have gotten a better set of matching tattoos. You know, like ones that said “Sit” and “Down”.

Posted by J

Popularity: 34% [?]



Uncle Willie Wants YOU For Scientology

9 01 2008

Here’s some bad news and worse news. Will Smith is a scientologist AND he gives crappy gifts at film wrap parties.

Big stars traditionally distribute “wrap presents” to crew members after completing a film. His recent gift after wrapping next summer’s comedy “Hancock” was a card good for a personality test at your local Scientology center. Never mind that such tests are given free by the church anyway.

The quiz is designed to convert people to the religion by identifying personality flaws that - surprise! - Scientology can fix right up for you.

Smith, who is best buddies with Scientology booster Tom Cruise, has never confirmed that he joined the church.

But he told “Access Hollywood” last month: “I was introduced to it by Tom, and I’m a student of world religion. I was raised in a Baptist household. I went to a Catholic school, but the ideas of the Bible are 98% the same ideas of Scientology, 98% the same ideas of Hinduism and Buddhism.”‘ (Source)

Try 98% crazy. THEY BELIEVE AN ALIEN NAMED XENU BROUGHT US TO EARTH ON A SOUTHWEST FLIGHT.

I’m mad as hell at a big star like Will giving these poor people “free readings”. Who is he, Ms. Cleo? You mean to tell me he couldn’t give the boom operator a variety set from Harry & David? Sit down.

Posted by J

Popularity: 19% [?]



Mariah Just Lost 50-11 Points In My Book

3 01 2008

Really!? Please tell me she didn’t go the easy route and put her whispering and cooing with T-Pain’s “I, Robot” warbling. I am so through. 2K8 is already starting off a hot mess. I’m bout to move to Tennessee and listen to Carrie Underwood all day. I can’t take these bastardizations of music! Sweet Minty Jesus wipe me down with a Temptations record. Can we resurrect Berry Gordy from retirement? Bueller? Bueller?

Hollyscoop reports the following from Mariah’s New Year’s Eve Party at TAO, Las Vegas:

Mariah closed the night by playing her new track “Migrate” which features T-Pain.

MariahDailyJournal is able to confirm that Migrate (in addition to Heat) is indeed a new song title from Mariah’s upcoming album. It is however, at this point, unknown whether or not it will be the first single.

“It’s Like That,” the first single from The Emancipation of Mimi was first played by Mariah at the New Year’s Eve 2005 Party she hosted at the PURE night club in Las Vegas on December 31, 2004. (source)

What would Tommy Mottola do (after he flipped it, smacked it, and rubbed it down)? Not this foolishness.

She needs a banger. I’m a fan, and if the song is catchy or whatever, I will probably like after a billion spins on my MP3 player. But come on folks, T-Pain is not the messiah of R&B! He is already on the radio 6 songs an hour with 6 different songs including 2 of his.

I’m not mad he’s making bank, but then people wonder why people aren’t investing in music any longer. Who wants to hear T-Pain 8 times an hour!? Let’s get real. Next thing her little doggie will be doing solo spots on DMX’s new Gospel album. I am so through with music sometimes!

Posted by The IPS

Popularity: 27% [?]



Sweet Minty Jesus Is About To Rain Down Fire on DMX

2 01 2008

I done heard and seen it all. First Mase was a Pastor, then he decided he liked trannies in ATL so he became Murda Ma$e again, but now he’s preaching. DMX was a rapper, then he wanted to be a Pastor, then back to a rapper, and now he’s doing Gospel albums!? Tashera Simmons will NOT be MY first lady!

These rappers really need to stay on their meds and quit playing with people’s emotions!

Many of DMX’s conversations with God have been a matter of public record since his career bloomed to superstar status in 1998. His catalog features nearly as many inspirational ghetto hymns — such as “Lord Give Me a Sign,” “A Minute for Your Son” and “The Prayer” — as it does party anthems and street-corner knockers, and in 2006 he pondered changing his name for “spiritual reasons.” But now, the Dog has decided to go in full-throttle with his first-ever gospel-rap album, which he told MTV News will be coming out this year.

“I [was] the first n—a to put out two albums in one year [It’s Dark and Hell Is Hot and Flesh of My Flesh, Blood of My Blood in 1998], now I’m gonna hit ‘em again — drop two albums on the same f—in’ day, yo,” X said from his home in Arizona on Friday. “A double album will make mutha—-as mad [not saved?], because they gotta spend more money — plus it’s already a long [double] album. I’m talking about a hip-hop album and a gospel album.”

Combined, the project will be called Walk With Me Now and You’ll Fly With Me Later.

The Walk With Me Now portion will be dedicated to straight-up, raw raps, while the latter will feature his non-secular undertaking.

As for the gospel album, X noted that the lyrics will be “without cursing — how ’bout that one? No songs about b—-es, no songs about robbing, just straight ‘Give God the glory.’ ” [The IPS passes out from the irony of this statement]

Read more here

LOL, I found a gif this weekend that describes this perfectly:

Can  you imagine a DMX Gospel album!? “Thank you Jesus…for saving me from killing them m-fer’s…RUFF RUFF HOWWWWWWL BARK BARK JESUS SAVES NIGGAS! PRAISE HIM NIGGA!”

If he does a love song with Yolanda Adams I am officially turning in my Jesus piece and going to sell my chocolate body on Broadway. This is getting out of HAND! I’d buy a Fonsworth Bentley matching Umbrella/CD/Tie set before I bought a DMX Gospel album, sorry. DMX once cranked out hits, consistently. Now he probably just does crank, consistently.

Posted by The IPS

Popularity: 29% [?]