Not Safe For Work, Life, The Afterlife…

8 04 2008

Kim, I am holding you personally responsible for ruining my appetite after seeing this. What in God’s name. These kids are in high school? Homedude needs to pick up a basketball after class. And she can go get her freak on at Hot Dog On A Stick, because this? This is uncalled for and I mean it. Normally you have to PAY to see this kind of freaknastiness (though someone should pay me for this). YouTube is gonna pull this down at any second, so if you’re sick and twisted, watch it while you can.

Here are some questions from Kim that I want answered, as well:

Who was working the camera? Why did dude need to take a drink in between? Why did the camera man double as the prop guy? [I especially died at that Ikea polka dot bedspread -J] What the HELL?!?

Posted by J

Popularity: 27% [?]

Two-Steppin’ To Middle Earth

1 04 2008

From the twisted and always hilarious mind of Antina:

D. Woods is a pretty girl, and does having a banging shape. I’m a girl and I can admit that. But I must say that she looks like a ape mixed with hobbit by the feet! I mean look at those stompers! A mess…..This was at their album release party. Why take your shoes off if you know you’re feet bigger than Shaq’s?

I have to say I agree. Those claws look like they could snatch a fish out the sea coming from 50 feet up. She could pitch a baseball with them thangs. Still love ya, girl.

Posted by J

Popularity: 21% [?]

Now Yo’ Bidness Is All On eBay!

26 03 2008

Scott Storch’s yacht, the $20 million (that’s not a typo) “Tiffany” (that’s not a typo either), was recently auctioned on eBay and sold for approximately $2.5 mil because Kermit couldn’t pay the notes on this bad boy girl. From the bidding page:

THE BOAT IS BEING SOLD UNDER DISTRESS ,OWNER BOUGHT HER AND NOW GOT SHORT ON MONEY. OWNER STARTED REFITTING THIS YACHT A MONTH AGO.The bottom has been done and the boat will be going in the water on march 9 ,2008: props have been resurfaced and balanced,rudders resealed,zincs replaced,bottom job.The green color will be replaced by beige,vip and guest room will have different suede color than purple and pink.A jacuzzi might be added to upper deck.A 300k project will start and after that the price of the boat will be raised.Tiffany gives you the luxury of a stylish Art Deco interior. The clean classic lines of the Art Deco theme create a harmonious atmosphere for total relaxation. She is a “yacht with a pedigree” having been built at the world renowned Devenport Shipyard in England,and joins their list of many famous clients including The Royal Yacht Britannia and M/Y Leander. The systems and the decor on Tiffany are befitting the finest of the worlds largest yachts .To replace Tiffany in today’s market would cost well in excess of 19 Million Dollars .The owner will consider taking a boat in trade or even property. Tiffany was built to the best and highest standards.The boat sold in 1995 for 11.9 million dollars when boats of that size sold for 4 and 5 million max.It was built as a ship .The boat is undergoing a refit as we speak.It already had a complete paint job in 2006/07.New carpet and furniture in 2007.There was around 600k spent on it.It is also getting a full service done on it during the sale period.The boat has 4 staterooms 3 of which have their own jacuzzi bath tubs,it also has 3 crew cabin with their own heads.The boat has an immense living room. (Source)

Dang, “short on money”! They really blew up Scotty’s spot with that one. Not that no one knew he was broke but this is really just adding insult to injury. Seeing your $20 million “investment” (I use the word in quotes because you can’t really call a boat the size of Venus a practical investment) up on eBay has got to be almost as painful as realizing you spent $20 million on something that wasn’t… well, a house or something. Unless you like living on water. And I mean on it in the literal sense, not just next to it.

There are a bunch of pictures on the page as well. The beds look like they were made in a hurry, like the Repo Man kicked Scott’s ass in a hurry and then had a bunch of dudes clean it up as much as possible before George came in with the Polaroid. I really fell out at this one though (blue MSPaint chicken scratch is the work of yours truly, in case there were any confusion; click to enlarge):

Posted by J

Popularity: 16% [?]

Mess of the Moment: Free (former host of 106 & Park)

25 03 2008

No Free! No! What a tragedy. Never in a million years would I have thought Free would look like a hot bowl of mess. (*SMH*). LaLa is like, “hurry up and take this damn picture.” Honestly, she looks pregnant to me. That’s my only justification of it, but there’s no reason to look like…

Posted by Justin Time™

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Popularity: 21% [?]

The Pied Piper Says: “JA’MON, KIDS!”

25 03 2008

After all the years it’s been open, we are finally getting a sneak peek of what Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch looks like on the inside now that the space is in danger of being auctioned off. There’s a lot of what you would expect… carousels, ferris wheels and shit, but there was also this lithograph, photographed near the entrance, of Michael leading a group of kids down a path.

I’m sorry but I fell out when I saw this! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I really don’t think Michael has ever molested any kids, I think he thinks he’s a child himself, but DAMN! It could be my eyes deceiving me but it looks like that line of children reaches all the down the bend! Someone call Dora the Explorer and let her know she needs to call Child Services so they can LET HER PEOPLE GO.

(Image Source)

Posted by J

Popularity: 16% [?]

What A B****

21 03 2008

Kimora Lee’s dog Zoe recently passed away at the ripe old age of 18, and a distraught Kimora is considering immortalizing her forever by having her ashes made into a diamond.

She tells, “You have to… grieve. It’s okay to take time and say this meant something to my life and (to) honor it. There is a company that makes diamonds out of your loved ones. They make diamonds from a little of the carbon from the ash, so I might do that. I might turn her into a diamond.” (Source)

So rich people are making their dead animals into diamonds now. This is what happens when people have too much money and get bored. They come up with ideas like this.

If I would have known about this I would have been scooping up strays left and right from the side of the road and brought them down to these fools. I’m just kidding. Mostly because I’m sure it costs a grand to have the “procedure” done.

I wonder if you could bring in a hamster’s ashes and have it made into a Cubic Zirconia?

Posted by J

Popularity: 29% [?]

Black Lucy Goes Black Punky Brewster

12 03 2008

Raven looks a hot mess. There’s simply no other way to put it. Between the “black Punky Brewster” hair, the torn up leggings, and that Ms. Swan muumuu from Marc Ecko I don’t really know what’s going on here.

Maybe I’m getting soft in my old age, but I can’t decide if this is worthy of Mess of the Moment or not. You guys can let me know (One more pic after the jump).

Update: The jury is in and Raven has been shunned to the Wall of Shame. Y’all only have yourselves to blame.

(Photo Source)

Posted by J

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Popularity: 26% [?]

A-fur-mative Action

7 03 2008

Both Spike Lee and Pauletta Washington showed up to the Cat On A Hit Tin Roof after party looking like assholes, and neither of them could have done it without the help of some squirrels and raccoons that were probably digging in your trash last week.

I don’t mean to get all “PETA” on your asses but I think fur is tacky as fuck, at least in most circumstances. Not because I believe in the rights of chinchillas (what has a chinchilla ever done for me?) but because it just screams overcompensating. However, Spike decided to go a different route and just throw on whatever he could find, I think. I’m mad at that snow jacket he got from Marshall’s that he proceeded to sew a patch on repping his production company. Can we at least get this man a chain? Was Jacob the Jeweler too busy for spike?

Pauletta… well, let’s just say Foxy Brown’s stylist has managed to find work while the Ill Na Na is in the clink. She knows she needs to sit down with that eyeshadow and the Mary J. braid she found outside Geffen Records in the trash and dyed it black.

If you want an example of graceful aging and stunning beauty, check out Lynn Whitfield by contrast at the same event. Is this woman really 55? She looks fantastic.

Posted by J

Popularity: 54% [?]

Give Cousin Elsie A Kiss

29 02 2008

I know “dressing up”, “appearances”, “looking non-alien” — these things have never been Macy Gray’s forte. It’s not what she’s about. But I’m mad at her looking like Cousin Elsie from “In Living Color”. This is out of hand.

Did she just land a plane in that jacket? She looks like one of those pilots who gets twisted at the bar before takeoff.

I don’t know, she looks crazy, but is this Mess of the Moment worthy? I’ll leave it up to you guys. I was thinking of letting her slide.

Posted by J

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Popularity: 48% [?]

Would You Want Your Kids Looking Up To THIS?

27 02 2008

Bobby Brown has evaded jail time in Brockton, Massachusetts after getting caught with cocaine there in December. Instead, Brown has been given one year community service MENTORING KIDS. Why do they kids have to get punished for his crime?

He got his wish and no criminal charges will issue, as Brown opted to carry out community service by mentoring children and young adults in the underprivileged city.

Brown’s attorney Stephanie Soriano told the Boston Herald that the 39-year-old singer will begin community service within a couple of months. (Source)

I guess I’ve been living under a rock because I didn’t realize he got busted AGAIN, or maybe no one reported it because that would be like reporting that the sun rose this morning.

I’m mad at them thinking Bobby Brown would be a good choice to mentor kids from the ‘hood. They already have enough problems without having to hear “Humpin’ Around” on repeat while being forced to line up that cocaina on top of a “Power Rangers” lunchbox.

Posted by J

Popularity: 46% [?]

This Wigpiece Is Clear For Takeoff

25 02 2008

I literally shouted “NO!” when I saw this picture of Beyoncé sporting a new wig. This has got to be some kind of joke. Did Kelly accidentally light one of the lacefronts on fire?

This looks like something Trina would wear but Beyonce? I’m really surprised by this. (One more after the jump.)

Oh, and lo siento for the lack of updates. I’m fighting off a cold and plus it’s a pretty slow news day.

Posted by J

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Popularity: 29% [?]

Jesse L. Martin To Exit ‘Law & Order’

21 02 2008

Ugh! Just when they got this show back on track with some new cast members, I hear abouyt this. I mean, “Law & Order” has been on the air since dirt was invented so they should just go ahead and cancel this mug if Jesse’s quitting.

After months of speculation, it is now official that Jesse L. Martin is leaving NBC’s Law & Order after nine years on the show. Sources say his character, Detective Ed Green, will be written off. In the wake of Martin’s departure, Anthony Anderson, star of Fox’s freshman cop drama K-Ville, is in final talks to come on board as a new detective partnered with Jeremy Sisto’s Cyrus Lupo. Martin is expected to shoot one more episode with Anderson stepping in later this season. Although Fox has never officially pulled the plug on K-Ville, Anderson’s casting in Law & Order pretty much makes that a done deal. Martin recently finished work on the feature Peter and Vandy, and will next play Marvin Gaye in the indie biopic Sexual Healing, which also stars James Gandolfini. (Source + Interview)

Anthony Anderson? Really? Why don’t they make Paula Jai Parker an Assistant District Attorney while they’re at it. Bring in David Hasselhoff as the new chief of police.

Posted by J

Popularity: 43% [?]

Bust Out Your Soulja Boy Approved Fruity Loops Tracks!

21 02 2008

I HAD to use this picture again ROFL. I love it. It brings me joy.

Oh, I’m bout to TURN THIS MUTHA OUT.

I just wrote this song called “Jam That (I Seen A Leprechaun Say Yeah!)” and it would be perfectly for the Chocolate Crackbaby Troll Flava Flav.

VH1 has launched an online music competition that seeks beats for a new single from Flavor Flav. Through “VH1’s The Track with Flavor Flav,” music producers can upload their original audio tracks for consideration. One producer will be given the chance to record and co-produce Flav’s next single later this spring. To enter, submit original audio beats (no vocals) at through Thursday, March 13. Three finalists will be chosen by Flav. Fans will then vote online to determine the winner, which will be announced on April 1. (Source)

I’mma sample this video below, mix it up with some Lil’ Jon sine waves, add some Danjahandz drums, some B. Michael-Cox piano chords & strangs, ask Alicia Keys to play them chords for me, get T-Pain to add some vocoding, and then top it off with some Timbaland vintage baby cries (because babies cry when Flav comes around, real talk), record it with my Voice Memo on my cell phone, and send it to him via Yousendit LOL.

YouTube - Direct Video Link 

TELL me that isht won’t blow up! Someone page Tayzonday and tell him we need some his breathing on this track — I’mma make him a star-ruh!

*rolls eyes* I wish someone would send a virus to VH1 and shut them down. Seriously. Have New York run around that joint with her two week old cotton panties, I bet she’ll clear that joint OUT. I am SO tired of all these shows. Now Perez Hilton has a show! I’m so dead. Do they really really think anyone wants to hear a new Flava Flav song? If they do, I got a bag of cheeseburgers & a planet to sell them called Mars for cheap!

Posted by The IPS

Popularity: 46% [?]

I’m Tuning OUT

5 02 2008

Flavor Flav is set to co-star with Kelly Perine (yes, from “One On One”) in a new sitcom called “Under One Roof” airing on MyNetworkTV. Really? I think more people watch the Public Access channel in my hometown than MyNetworkTV.

According to TV Week, the show will focus on Flav, who plays an ex-con, and his relationship with his rich, conservative brother, played by Kelly Perine after they become roommates.

The Fox owned network, MYNetworkTV, has purchased thirteen, 30 minute episodes of the show and plans on premiering it in the spring. (Source)

To be honest, I’d rather see a piece of burnt shit starring in a sitcom. Oh wait… I guess that’s what this is.

Posted by J

Popularity: 21% [?]

APB Out On A YT Boy With Bad Hairplugs!

2 02 2008

Oh, see, he done up and lost his mind. Though, if he spits on people and is just a mad disrespectful person, I can’t say that I am shocked. She was worried about the big BLACK man getting violent with her!

February 2, 2008 — IT looks like “I Love New York” bimbo Tiffany Pollard, nicknamed “New York” on the reality show, still hasn’t found her Prince Charming. She and her latest suitor, Taylor Made (real name: George Weisgerber), fought publicly all night at the opening of new 27th Street lounge Suzie Wong’s. After she pointed her finger in his face and yelled at him in front of Shanna Moakler, Simon Rex and Bethenny Frankel inside the club, the duo continued squabbling outside, where Weisgerber head-butted Pollard in the face. “She flipped out,” said our spy. (source)

Who you think she gonna call to go and murk that dude? Her big black friends — not no lil’ scrawny YT boy. I don’t care for New York either, but I don’t take our black women being disrespected. I might trip him or something if walked down my aisle on an airplane flight.

Please stop with the reality shows Tiffany and go r-e-a-d-a-b-o-o-k! If this is true, she better press charges!

Posted by The IPS

Popularity: 21% [?]