So Many Questions

16 04 2008

* Why is Sisqo at the CMT Awards?
* In fact, how did he even get past security?
* How much did the time machine ride to 1999 to get that hair bleach cost?
* Is that guido look intentional or could he not afford the top three buttons?
* He hasn’t pawned that dragon chain yet?
* Why is he so short that I can see the “X” on the carpet where they are told to pose for pictures? SMH.

Props to Go Fug Yourself

Posted by J

Popularity: 19% [?]

And Get Some Ass Implants While You’re At It

11 04 2008

Atlantic Records of America has reportedly ordered British singer and John Legend’s toenail-painting buddy Estelle to get her teeth fixed and change her hair so she will be more “marketable” in the States. Yikes!

Atlantic Records US have reportedly ordered Estelle to have cosmetic surgery on her teeth to help her break into the American charts.

According to The Sun, the record label bosses also want her to ditch the boyish haircut and want to give her a complete image overhaul.

A source told the newspaper: “The American executives are adamant she makes a lot of significant changes. They want rid of her tomboy hair and want her to get her teeth fixed.

“Estelle is not happy. She feels her teeth and the rest of her look are a big part of her character.”

The R&B star has spent the last three weeks at number one in the UK. (Source)

What’s sad about this is none of this shit will make her ass sell in the States. I like Estelle but that type of music just doesn’t fly here in the States. They could tell her to pick up an acoustic guitar like Corinne and maybe she could be sold in Starbucks, but short of that… ehhhh.

This reminds me of when the label tried to get Keykuh to fix her teeth. They must have had them shits on layaway because they were around for one video and GONE the next! I can picture her pulling them out in the studio in front of everyone before she goes in on those “ey-ey!s”.

Posted by J

Popularity: 42% [?]

Someone Get The Hose, They Turned The Air Off In Here!

10 04 2008

Missy Elliott and Busta Rhymes put on quite a show by the looks of these photos taken from The 50th Grammy Celebration Tour’s stop in HELL. Look at them sweating! This screams fire and brimstone. That’s what they get for this.

Nah, in actuality these flicks were taken in New York, probably in a Costco warehouse where they forgot to pay the electric bill because these folk are sweating like some whores in church (More after the jump).

Posted by J

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Schnuffaluffagus Needs Your Help!

1 04 2008

From the AHM! mail room:



When: Tuesday, 1st April 2008

Time: 1pm sharp (ending at 5pm - however you can leave early if you
would like)

Where: Center Standing, Soundstage One, 3407 Winona Ave, Burbank, CA

Parking: Street parking is available on Winona Ave

Clothing: Anything colorful or summery would be preferred

Dag, you know times is hard when they are combining a commercial for tampons or whatever this is into one of your music videos. To be fair, her label has spent about fifty-leven million on her project which is going nowhere. Pobrecita.

LOL @ them telling people they can leave early if they want. These jokes write themselves.

If any of you hot messes goes to this, I expect information and preferably pictures. If you can get close to the Schnuff that would be best. So go ‘head, get on your summery gear and get to Burbank!

And no, this isn’t an April Fools’, at least as far as I can tell. I hate this “holiday” because everytime I do anything someone has to make sure I’m not fooling. No, motherfucker, I wasn’t joking when I said I wanted my Mickey D’s burgers plain. I like them that way, OK? The ketchup and other “ingredients” come out of a damn squirt bottle anyway.

Posted by J

Popularity: 14% [?]

Now Yo’ Bidness Is All On eBay!

26 03 2008

Scott Storch’s yacht, the $20 million (that’s not a typo) “Tiffany” (that’s not a typo either), was recently auctioned on eBay and sold for approximately $2.5 mil because Kermit couldn’t pay the notes on this bad boy girl. From the bidding page:

THE BOAT IS BEING SOLD UNDER DISTRESS ,OWNER BOUGHT HER AND NOW GOT SHORT ON MONEY. OWNER STARTED REFITTING THIS YACHT A MONTH AGO.The bottom has been done and the boat will be going in the water on march 9 ,2008: props have been resurfaced and balanced,rudders resealed,zincs replaced,bottom job.The green color will be replaced by beige,vip and guest room will have different suede color than purple and pink.A jacuzzi might be added to upper deck.A 300k project will start and after that the price of the boat will be raised.Tiffany gives you the luxury of a stylish Art Deco interior. The clean classic lines of the Art Deco theme create a harmonious atmosphere for total relaxation. She is a “yacht with a pedigree” having been built at the world renowned Devenport Shipyard in England,and joins their list of many famous clients including The Royal Yacht Britannia and M/Y Leander. The systems and the decor on Tiffany are befitting the finest of the worlds largest yachts .To replace Tiffany in today’s market would cost well in excess of 19 Million Dollars .The owner will consider taking a boat in trade or even property. Tiffany was built to the best and highest standards.The boat sold in 1995 for 11.9 million dollars when boats of that size sold for 4 and 5 million max.It was built as a ship .The boat is undergoing a refit as we speak.It already had a complete paint job in 2006/07.New carpet and furniture in 2007.There was around 600k spent on it.It is also getting a full service done on it during the sale period.The boat has 4 staterooms 3 of which have their own jacuzzi bath tubs,it also has 3 crew cabin with their own heads.The boat has an immense living room. (Source)

Dang, “short on money”! They really blew up Scotty’s spot with that one. Not that no one knew he was broke but this is really just adding insult to injury. Seeing your $20 million “investment” (I use the word in quotes because you can’t really call a boat the size of Venus a practical investment) up on eBay has got to be almost as painful as realizing you spent $20 million on something that wasn’t… well, a house or something. Unless you like living on water. And I mean on it in the literal sense, not just next to it.

There are a bunch of pictures on the page as well. The beds look like they were made in a hurry, like the Repo Man kicked Scott’s ass in a hurry and then had a bunch of dudes clean it up as much as possible before George came in with the Polaroid. I really fell out at this one though (blue MSPaint chicken scratch is the work of yours truly, in case there were any confusion; click to enlarge):

Posted by J

Popularity: 16% [?]

Gloria Allred Obviously Hasn’t Seen ‘Norbit’

14 03 2008

Melanie Brown’s lawyer Gloria Allred has blasted Eddie Murphy for not visiting or being a part of the life of Angel Iris Murphy Brown, his daughter with the Spice Girl. Eddie says he thinks Mel B poked holes in the condom to which I reply that the better defense would be: “Eddie? Having sex with a woman? I rest my case.”

After a National Enquirer report that Eddie Murphy thinks ex Melanie Brown tricked him into getting her pregnant, Mel’s lawyer Gloria Allred tells that the actor’s continued refusal to meet daughter Angel is “inexcusable.”

Allred didn’t comment on the Enquirer’s report that a source close to Eddie claims he and Mel only slept with each other three times during their relationship, or that she told him she was on birth control. However, the powerhouse attorney exclusively told us that regardless of the couple’s past, “I think it’s sad and inexcusable that Mr. Murphy chooses to punish his baby by refusing to visit her or be involved emotionally or in person in her life. It’s shocking that he continues to refuse to be involved with his daughter and that he has intentionally missed the precious first year of her innocent life.”

Melanie and Eddie’s paternity case over baby Angel Iris is still in the discovery stages, but a hearing has been set for May 21. Eddie previously claimed that the girl was not his, but DNA tests proved otherwise. (Source)

If you ask me, if we wanna keep little Black Candice Bergen “innocent” and “precious”, it’s probably a good thing Eddie’s not in her life. Po’ thang would grow up thinking her daddy dressed in drag wearing a fatsuit was as normal as playing catch.

As long as Scary Spice gets. that. money from Eddie (guess Johnny Gill will have to put that pilates class on hold) and treats her baby right, everything should be aight. I’m sure she and… that man she’s dating will be good parents.

Posted by J

Popularity: 44% [?]

My Oh Mya

14 03 2008

Mya fell on her ass while doing some kind of tap-dancing jig at the Kennedy Center in her native DC. This all happened so fast I thought I was watching a cartoon or something. She handled it really well! She got right back up on them tappin’ feet and played it off like a champ. She didn’t even go all headbanger like Beyasha.

The first person to make this into an avatar/GIF for me gets a cookie.

Thanks Justin Time

Posted by J

Popularity: 42% [?]

You Gon’ Break Something… It’s Probably Vital, Too

9 03 2008

I saw this over at Noticias Chismes and almost fell out. Janet Jackson tried — and I really do mean tried, this chick tried her damnedest — to teach Larry King’s prehistoric ass a simple dance move. You know what, Larry tried pretty hard, too. For someone who was around when dirt was invented, it’s probably hard to sit still without quivering much less stand on two feet and do some “Feed-BAAAH, Feed-BAAAH!”

I actually got scared when she was telling him to smack his chest and he was doing it kind of hard. Careful there are you might send that ticker into arrest.

At least this puts to bed my theory that they’ve had a hologram up there since the mid ’90s. Larry will probably outlive me AND my little bastards children. It’s gonna be him, roaches, and twinkies after the Armageddon hits.

Posted by J

Popularity: 35% [?]

Black Lucy Hits Up “Mi TRL”

7 03 2008

Raven-Symoné, who has been referred to as “the Black Lucille Ball“, visited “Mi TRL” on Thursday to promote her new film and whatever else she’s got planned — my guess is a line of bedazzled potty training sets with Disney characters emblazoned on it or some shit.

She really needs to work on these facial tics because she is the definition of WONK here and I don’t think she looks this bad in live action. Maybe she just realized she was on “Mi TRL” and not the real one and got a stink face.


Posted by J

Popularity: 48% [?]

Tank Got Tased?

19 02 2008

I ignored this when I first heard about it because it was from Chinese Takeout but I guess the woman who was with Tank actually spoke out and said that he was indeed brutalized by police this past weekend in New Orleans.

R&B singer Tank was arrested outside the House of Blues in New Orleans early Monday morning on several charges including disorderly conduct.

The singer and a friend were headed to an afterparty for NBA All-Star Weekend at the House of Blues, but were reportedly blocked by police due to a shooting in the area. According to an, the police were rude, harassing both Tank and his female friend Ira Dewitt, before telling them they could not enter the area.

In response, Tank told the policemen “Why are you gonna be like that?” Then, immediately began to walk way. That’s when three police alleged attacked Tank and began using their tasers on him.

“We started walking away,” Ira told, “but they grabbed Tank and threw him against the wall. [The cops] bent one of his arms up and the other arm back and asked him to do something. Tank told them that he couldn’t and before you knew it, there were three cops all over him… and they tased him.”

Tank was arrested and booked, and was reportedly released on bail Monday. (Source)

I’m sure these cops didn’t know who he was (and I can’t really fault them for that, no offense T) or else they would have been all “Pleeeeaseee don’t go” instead of jumping on his ass when he started to walk away. Tasers are no joke! They have you paralyzed on the ground and the only thing you can do is talk, really. It happened here at my school and apparently D-listers are the next target. Everyone watch out for them tasers!

Posted by J

Popularity: 22% [?]

Lindsay Lohan As Marilyn Monroe — Yes, I Kid You Not

18 02 2008

Bert Stern, the same photog who snapped the most famous pictures ever taken of Marilyn Monroe, decided to re-enact the shoot with New York Magazine with Lindsay Lohan because he sees them as similar figures. Uh. Forget rolling, Marilyn is doing the Spongebob in that grave.

The worst part is Lindsay has a nice body. But those FRECKLES. Good Lord! It looks like someone intermittently sprinkled brown sugar all over her ass. She’s got nice tatas though. So I’m gonna let the Party City wig and the spottieottiedopaliscious slide. Nah I can’t even excuse this. It was still a bad idea. They should have at least Photoshopped that mess to a minimum.

Warning: Pics NSFW!

Posted by J

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Popularity: 38% [?]

WTF Moment of the Day: “This Lil’ B**** Will F***in’ Kill Yo’ Ass”

14 02 2008

This is a prime example of “Where are the parents?!” The worst part is I’m sure her mom is in the other room cooking dinner. You see the way she hesitated before she said “me”? She probably thought she heard mama comin’ to beat that ass for playing on the computer again.

Children need hobbies that don’t include video cameras, the internet, or modeling themselves after Khia. This poor hot mess could do right by being in a finger painting class or after school program (not to mention using some decongestant).

Props to Nailah for sending this in (you know you wrong, LMAO!).

Posted by J

Popularity: 62% [?]

Inga Fung Pushed Back Again

4 02 2008

Here’s a shocker. Foxy Brown’s album Rikers’ Don Diva or whatever it’s called is being pushed back yet again.

The Brooklyn bred MC will now see the release of her LP, Brooklyn’s Don Diva, re-scheduled for the second time. The album, which had been pushed back to a February 5th release date, now won’t be released until this spring. Chaz Williams, Foxy’s manager, told SOHH the decision was made so the rapper would not have to forgo promotion of the album and enjoy a proper release.

“The album release date has been changed at the direction of Foxy and Black Hand Management,” Williams said. “Foxy will be out in April and we wanted her to be able to participate in the promotion of this album.”

“This also gives us the opportunity to get out the proper visuals and videos to support her records, as well as the opportunity to do live radio promo and tour in support album release,” he added. “This was a business decision we felt served our best interest as an independent record company.” (Source)

Damn, no tentative date, just “this spring”? We couldn’t even get a hint bigger than that one? This is almost as bad as when my dude Soulman asked Mya when her album was coming out and she was like “Uhhh. 2007. Or some year starting with ‘2′.”

If Foxy participating in the promotion of the album has anything to do with her throwing phones at Koreans, spitting on people and/or wearing blue eyeshadow, it might be better for them to go ahead and release this mess without her help.

Do they really think she’s going to be out for long? With her track record she’ll go back in August for eating a baby.

Posted by J

Popularity: 15% [?]

Soulja Boy In 5 Years = Coolio As A Fish Now

31 01 2008

I don’t need Sylvia Browne & Montel Williams to predict Soulja Boy’s future — Coolio is the living legend who already serves as the template LOL. Jibbs, Mims, Arab, Pop It Off Boyz, Jason Fox, Shawty Lo…invest that money right or you’ll be on an Internet TV channel looking like a Chuck E. Cheese character very, very soon.

Seriously, you know what? Where are his friends? It ain’t even Red Lobster paying him to look like that!

*Warms up some butter and garlic sauce*

If you can’t beat ‘em, eat ‘em!

Spotted at XXL

Posted by The IPS

Popularity: 36% [?]

Unless You’re A Die-Hard Feminist, This Really Is Inexcusable

30 01 2008

Kelly Rowland showed up to some event sporting a little underarm mustache. You would think for someone who probably waxes Beyoncé’s upper lip on the regular that she would take some time to clean herself up, but I guess she was too busy promoting her smash hit album Ms. Kelly. Too busy starring in an off-Broadway play. Too busy watching 106 & Park? Shit, I don’t know.

Posted by J

Popularity: 22% [?]