A Hot Mess!

Knocking wigs askew since 2006.

March-31-08

AHM’s New Mama: ALEXYSS

Posted by Justin Time™ under Message from Mama Alexyss

First of all…tatiana…God bless your sweet heart for this. May the Lawd be with you. (*still dead*). OMG. This is great. You know when you laugh so much that the back musckles (no typo) in the back of your head starts to hurt? Man…(*wipes tears off laptop*). This lady is the official Mama of A Hot Mess Blog. I’ma post something from her at least once a week. Here’s this week’s message from Mama: (thank you again tatiana!)

WARNING: NSFW (NOT SAFE FOR WORK)

TODAY’S LESSON: WASH YO NUTZ

Posted by Justin Time

 

Popularity: 7% [?]

[Image Source]

When I first saw this I was like “Why is dude from ‘The Game’ on the cover of Giant?” I don’t know who should be more embarassed — Terry for the amount of airbrushing/”shadow” effect (shout outs to Mary J.’s 411 cover) on this or me for knowing who’s on “The Game”.

So he needs the love of a good, clean woman. I think I know who’s ready to step up and fulfill that role. Ladies, it’s probably not too late to get in your bearding resumes, though, so get that money if you need it, I ain’t mad.

I realize I’m nitpicking little details today, but how can Lyfe Jennings be the most underrated superstar of anything? Wouldn’t being underrated make you NOT a superstar? They need me to copy-edit that mug.

Posted by J

Popularity: 7% [?]


[SOURCE]

One word…Daaayyyyuuuummmmm! Talk about the wrong time for a picture. I’m sure even God was like…”Oh Myself!” Denzel (yes…Denzel) looks like he either got an endorsement deal with Doodoomints or just wiped his face with Bobby Brown’s washrag. After I saw Free fall from grace, I knew no one was safe. But even with that…Denzel?

Posted by Justin Time™

Popularity: 7% [?]

Nickel showing us what he should do. STOP! In the name of knowledge.

50 Cent now supports Barack Obama despite coming out in support of Hillary Clinton last fall.

Rapper 50 Cent, who told Time magazine last September he was supporting the New York senator’s White House bid, now says he has decided to shift his allegiance to Obama.

The multi-platinum star, born Curtis Jackson, told MTV News Friday that Obama’s recent speech on race was the deciding factor for his decision.

“I heard Obama speak,” he said. “He hit me with that he-just-got-done-watching-’Malcolm X,’ and I swear to God, I’m like, ‘Yo, Obama!’

I’m Obama to the end now, baby!

But the musician also admitted he’s lost interest in the protracted Democratic race, and may not support either candidate.

“To be honest, I haven’t been following that anymore. I lost my interest,” he said. “I listened to some of the debates and things that they were saying, and I just got lost in everything that was going on…Don’t look for my vote, for me to determine nothing on that. Just say, ‘50 Cent, he don’t know, so don’t ask Fiddy.’ (Source)

This is like asking a squirrel or a bag of candy what they think about politics. It’s possible one of them has an opinion on it, but the probability that their reasoning is going to make any kind of sense is pretty low.

Edit: By popular demand, the return of the “ho, sit down” mascot, in honor of Nickel’s latest foot-in-mouth outbreak. It’s like herpes, that shit don’t go away!

Posted by J

Popularity: 7% [?]

March-31-08

The Top 40 Hip-Hop Blogs

Posted by Justin Time™ under Thanks!, Wow

Number 8!


Directly quoted from www.wooohah.com:

Some associates of mine who are in business school have developed a new blog measurement system called the Blog Performance Indicator (BPI).The BPI measures a percentage of Alexa traffic, Technorati score, Digg, del.icio.us, RSS feeds, social bookmarking reader usage and how much the site has grown in the past month and compares it vs. other “similar category” blogs.

The BPI is supposed to be the most accurate measurement of how one blog performs vs. another and the competition as a whole. I was able to convince them to run the scores for hip-hop blogs. Over 100 active hip-hop blogs (more than 1 post a week) were rated with over 3,000 active hip-hop blogs found in the nation…[CLICK HERE FOR MORE ON THE STORY]

Big ups to everybody. We couldn’t have done it without you. With new looks and changes in the coming weeks, we should climb the charts. Continue to spread the word. Thanks again,

AHM Staff

Popularity: 7% [?]

March-31-08

The Lawd answers prayers!

Posted by Justin Time™ under Answered Prayer, Get It!, Michelle Williams

(*hi-fives Jesus*). Michelle has always been like the letter “W” in “ANSWER”…but the Lawd must be giving out sandwiches and makeovers, because I have watched a young lady go from this…


…to this


PHOTO #2 | PHOTO #3 | PHOTO #4

(Let me throw this in here) I truly think Michelle is talented and beautiful. (I felt that I needed to clear that up so we don’t have to read comments about how black people are not appreciating blacks…SMH). Now…I hear she’s coming out with an album in August. You can peep out her new track here: CLICK HERE. I just lift up another prayer that Matthew Knowles will apply his (quote/unquote) “business skills” to save Michelle’s album from going triple plywood, in Your name…AMEN.

Posted by Justin Time™

Popularity: 7% [?]


Dag. What do I even do with this post? What can I say? Hell…what can his wife say? How did she lose out to a table? (*if you’re reading this without first pressing play, I’m sure you’re like “WTF?”*) Even the cops had to shake their heads on this one. This is SMH of the week for me. You know his “school-aged” kids are gonna catch hell. I can see it now. Jokes such as, “your dad put it all on the table,” “Trojans is gonna have to make table covers now,” and “your momma is so flat…” Man…(*trying to be optimistic*). At least it wasn’t a wooden table. (*OUCH*)

Posted by Justin Time™

Popularity: 7% [?]

This is my song, to this day! I think it aged really well. This video, on the other hand… I’ve seen soft-core porn with better acting and dialogue. Oops, did I just blow up my own spot?

A mess at Faith being a secondary character in her own damn video. Imagine Biggie’s out-of-breath ass as a damn DJ on the slow jams hour. I’m tuning OUT! As for homegirl calling the radio station, she seems a little touched and I wouldn’t be surprised if she tried to kill herself if that cat actually fell out the window. She was caressing that thing like no one’s business! Ladies, never let a man drive you to becoming a cat lady because that’s how you end up with 15 litterboxes and dead sparrows and rats all over your joint. And by the time you’ve starved to death because there’s too many bags of Scoop Away blocking the entrance to the kitchen, them cats will eat your ass up. TRUST. Those animals are the devil incarnate.

“Besides” every bad boy is a bad girl? So, “other than” every bad boy there’s a bad girl? Forgive the English major for being picky but COME ON. Shit like that makes my ears bleed.

Posted by J

Popularity: 6% [?]

My dude Justin Time™ has been holding it down while I took a quick breather. Let’s just say my spring break was pretty quiet until the past weekend. If anyone in the Los Angeles Metropolitan area has seen my keys, my glasses or my Albuterol, I’d kindly ask that you help me out. In any event, the last week and a half has assured me we made the right choice in bringing JT on board, and I see y’all agree. It always takes a few days and a couple of folk with sticks up their asses but we work through thangs, nah’mean? We got real talent. Ain’t nobody eliminating us. WE GANG BANG.*

That long digression brings me to something completely unrelated but nonetheless, a special treat for all of our readers. You actually have Aja to thank for this. It’s a great way to kick off a brand new week, if you ask me. No, I don’t know what’s going on, and I certainly didn’t make it through all 6 and a half minutes, but maybe y’all can clue me in on what I missed. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say “dancing in circles”.

Posted by J

*We don’t really gang bang.

Popularity: 7% [?]

First of all, I don’t want people to think I’m taking over this site. It’s a collective site. (shoutout to J and Erin). I officially been here for a week, and just want people to get to know me better, na’mean? Well, with that being said, I wanna hit y’all off with something that happened to me 30 minutes ago. Now, I know everybody has a HOT MESS McDonald’s Story. Prior to 30 minutes ago, I didn’t.

Aight…I just got back from McDonald’s, right? And all I wanted was a McChicken sandwich. That’s all. A McChicken sandwich. $1.00 and boom…I’m out. I went through the drive-thru and placed my order (as usual). Now…the drive-thru serves a purpose. Fast service…right? (*sigh*) Anyway, I gave my order and pulled around to the window. The guy opened the window to collect my money…THO I THOUGHT! (*here’s where the bafoonery starts*). This big dummy sees me, and figures, “hey since he’s black, I’ma stick my hand (and head) out the window and give him dap.” (*WTF?*) So, I tried to kill two birds with one stone and I gave him dap with the dollar in my hand. Dude was like, “Yeah son…I finna take over the world.” (*I promise you…this is a real story*) “Yeah son. I hate these white people. They trying to…(get this)…Eliminate me.” (*WTF?*) At this point, I’m giving him multiple SEODs. (Side Eye Of Death for the newbies) That didn’t phase him. He continued to talk for 2 more minutes, and touched on matters such as, “I just got out of jail, I gang bang, etc.” I got fed up and was like…”Dude! All I want is a McChicken homie.” Dude was like, aight…my bad, and hands me…A muthaluvin HAPPY MEAL BOX with my McChicken inside. (*sigh*) So, if you see little posts from Justin Time on Monday, it’s because I’m giving that McDonalds hell! Now…I know y’all got a story.

Posted by Justin Time™

Popularity: 10% [?]

March-29-08

Akon gettin his Dark Brooks on???

Posted by Justin Time™ under Liquify the Dry, Now...That's Black!

As reported from StarPulse.com

“R&B star Akon has recorded a “secret” country and western record and released it under an alias in a bid to be the first successful black artist in the genre. The ‘Lonely’ singer is a big fan of country music and is determined to conquer the genre but is convinced that fans of the music would not buy the records if they were released under his real name.

And the 34-year-old insists he is already on his way to making it big as a country star as he has already released his first single - and it has been a major success. He says, ‘No black artist has ever broken into the genre. I’m going in under a secret alias and I’ve already got my first hit record.’”

Secret country album? Akon? That’s like 50 Cent secretly doing a Praise & Worship album. As midnight-ish as Akon is…doing a country album? Under an alias? What…Sharpie? Lawd…take the wheel.

Posted by Justin Time™

Popularity: 8% [?]

March-29-08

Multiple Choice Question of the Day

Posted by Justin Time™ under Confused, Multiple Choice, Wow


(This is from The 1st. Annual Fierce Awards)

Q. Who (or what) is this?

A). A wax figure
B). A tranny
C). A hot bowl of foolishness on her its head
D). Jade from ANTM.
E). All of the above

Click here for more pics.

Posted by Justin Time™

Popularity: 8% [?]

Seriously tho…I really hope this gets better. I’m really praying.

Posted by Justin Time™

Popularity: 10% [?]


Eff what cha heard…New Jack Swing era was da bidness and Christopher Williams was the man back in the day. He dated women from Stacey Dash to Halle Berry. Now, I don’t know if he Ike Turner’ed Halle caused Halle to go deaf or anything, but I know he isn’t dead [PROOF] (*smh…silly rumors*). I was gonna post another CW joint, but ah…all hell….it’s Friday…why not:

Christopher Williams - I Talk To Myself (1989….dammmn)


(Bobby Brown…eat your heart out!)

Posted by Justin Time™

Popularity: 10% [?]

March-28-08

A Conspiracy?…..NEGRO PLEASE!

Posted by Justin Time™ under Alcohol, Buffoonery, I Quit, Ign'ant, Negro Please, SMH


ROFLMAO!!! First of all…let me introduce this man. Mayor (yes…Mayor) Abron Pitts of Widener, Arkansas. *Justin Time™ DOA* Let me post the story first (and highlight the hot mess):

(Widener, AR 3/2008) Widener Mayor Abron Pitts admits he likes to take a sip or two on weekends. “I drinks! You understand that. I don’t deny.”

Budweiser is his drink of choice, but the problem is a dangerous cocktail of drinking and driving got him charged Saturday night with DWI and drinking in public. “I’m not going to deny I hadn’t had one beer or two because it’s the weekend. I wasn’t under the influence.

Arkansas State Police say the 62-year-old mayor was swerving on the AR Highway 38 bridge. It’s about 200-feet from his home. Mayor Pitts says the arrest is nothing more than a group of Widener residents conspiring against him.

“To me, it was a set up deal.”

Widener resident Oteria Franklin believes there is a plot against the mayor.

“I believe they want to get him out. He’s the first black mayor. Maybe they’re player hating.

“He needs to set a better example for the people of Widener,” explained resident Jaime Campbell.

In addition to DWI charges, Pitts was also cited for driving without proof of insurance. He says the trooper didn’t ask for a card or license until he was at the jail. When we asked he shoed us insurance documents with his name and his sisters. But they were for another car.

When asked about allegations of Mayor Pitts being set up, a spokesman for the Arkansas State Police said we’ll present our evidence in court May 1st. [SOURCE]

*flatline* How in the Shemar Moore dried cornrolled wig did he become mayor? First of all, ya’ll MUST go to the source page, because they have the actual video of this on the news. I couldn’t embed it here, but y’all gotta check it out. It’s like 2 minutes into the clip. Now…let me get this straight…He drinks, gets drunk, drives walking distance, and have no insurance, but yet he says it’s a conspiracy?

Posted by Justin Time™

Popularity: 11% [?]

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