A Hot Mess!

Knocking wigs askew since 2006.

Hey, kids. It’s been a rough past couple of weeks for me and with finals coming up, I’ve come to a truly gut-wrenching decision to put A Hot Mess! on (gasp) hiatus for awhile. I am in no way tired of doing it but I am tired in general and much like Kelly Rowland after a long day of brushing in Tina’s closet with one match for light, I just don’t have the strength to go to class, work and update all in one day anymore.

You may be asking yourself about the others. Justin Time has decided to part ways with the site for personal reasons but I am open to his return in the future and excited for the possibilities to come. Erin has just moved to the Dirty South and is getting settled and me, well, I’m almost done with my junior year of college and shit is starting to get real.

Instead of trying to do this one-man like I have been for the past few weeks and let the quality of the blog decline, I’ve decided to take a breather until I can come back and focus more attention on it, which will be mid-June at the earliest.

In the meantime, please hit me up on the MySpace, send me e-mail or listen to e-mail or listen to my radio show. I’m still gonna be around… I’m like the ‘net version of roaches, I’m not going anywhere. Also, please peep Crunk & Disorderly, The Fury, Lil’ Creole Pimp Chronicles and Noticias Chismes while we’re off the air. That should tide over your appetite for fuckery in my absence.

I know the blogging audience is very fickle but on the off-chance you’re willing to wait around for the site’s re-launch (notice the new layout, eh?), I thank you and I will see you soon. Keep knockin’ wigs askew and doin’ hoodrat stuff… otherwise, you’ll be thrown the wolves.

So, raise your glasses to a toast… that the R. Kelly trial is finally going to happen! If that’s not a sign of the rapture I don’t know WHAT is.

Much love,
J

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Today is a hell day for me at work and school, so I figured I would break y’all off with a few messes before I bow out gracefully. “The Lion’s Den” is now open for business and many a celebutard is being thrown there on this lovely morning. We’ll start with the 2008 Ebony and Ivory. Rev Run looks a basset hound with a rope chain for a flea collar and Kid Rock looks like… well, he kinda always looks like that. If they come out with a collabo (don’t act like it’s farfetched) I will fly to New Jersey and drag Justine’s lazy fat ass out of bed myself so she can go get her husband.

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…this is how that shit turns out. I was gonna make a Hype Hair joke but this is below even them. Ashy, wha’ gwan? Gotti spending all your promo money on Vanessa Carlton?

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LMAO @ this. Damn, I knocked MYSELF on my ass with this one. I used to play the shit out of this in seventh grade! I was not even a Cam’Ron fan! I don’t know what was going on with that, maybe I was just feeling The Police sample? In any event, this brings back some major memories.

This is before Cam’Ron got a tapeworm or whatever and lost all the weight. Remember that mess? It was a big scandal because everyone was concerned he was manorexic. That “Yo! Yo!” at the beginning is SO annoying that I almost shut the whole shit off. Please get past it though, it’s worth the watch. LOL @ “Keema“. Is this one of Cam’s baby mamas? She had some dirt on him so he put her up in the video? Her rap skills are worse than his which is just bad. Trina was on the remix talking about her pussy smelling like Chanel. She meant Channel, like the English Channel.

Posted by J

Popularity: 91% [?]

Here’s an old ass clip of ‘Showtime At The Apollo’ featuring ShaNe-Yo and Corey Clark, who was on ‘American Idol’ a few seasons back and claimed he boinked Paula Abdul. This is a hot mess! They look like a broke-down After 7, who already looked like a broke-down Hi-Five soo… that’s not good.

I fell the fuck out at the “girl” (she kinda looks like Keyshia Cole’s homegirl — I know y’all remember this pic) who was in the audience getting down to this like it was the new hotness. I also wanna meet the dude who booed them hella loud as they were walking off stage.

Thanks WTF?!? - I’m throwing you to the wolves

Posted by J

Popularity: 93% [?]

May-15-08

Video: Maino - “Hi Hater”

Posted by J under Videos

I’m mad at them sampling this beat (I forget where it’s from?). Didn’t it feel like he was scrambling to keep up with it at times?

I can see this growing on me even though it’s a mess. Now you know all summer long we are gonna have to hear bitches screaming “Hi hater!” when someone clowns on their wack outfit. Sigh.

Posted by J

Popularity: 92% [?]

May-15-08

Some Quick Pics

Posted by J under Photos

All The Fuckery (thanks, Freshy) brings the LOLs once again. Don’t get me wrong, I like Teyana Taylor and all, she seems sweet, but… it may be the angle or the lighting or something, but it looks like her mouth goes ALL THE WAY ‘ROUND HER HEAD. I bet she could eat a piece of pie from half way across the room.

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Popularity: 93% [?]

Fantasia showed up looking like a worn-out red Rose brand crayon on ‘American Idol’ last night to perform for the masses. I knew some cholas back in the day who used to use red Kool-Aid to dye their hair but I didn’t know this was still happening. If anyone was going to bring that back it would be Fanny. Bitch looks like the black version of Nancy from The Craft and judging by her twitching and stomping, she’s possessed like Nancy was, too.

Here’s what Simon thought, and for once I’m not taking these little GIFs out of context… this is his actual reaction:

Video Props: DListed; GIF Props: ONTD

Posted by J

Popularity: 96% [?]

I realized it’s been too long since I did one of these so I really went to my dark place (seventh grade) and pulled this one out of my ass. So Plush was signed to Darkchild Records for nineteen seconds until Rodney Jerkins ran out of monies and closed the label. They had this song and maybe one other before they fell out. I’m sure the lead singer will be on the next season of ‘Girlicious’ and some of the others do Hype Hair modeling now. The one with the blonde weave looks like Alexis Fields around the time she was on ‘Moesha’. Hell, it probably is Alexis Fields.

This video is really cheap looking, it looks like they did it on a green screen in Culver City Inglewood. What’s sad is this was ‘99 so I’m sure this was actually expensive even though my Windows Media Player has this shit as a visualization now.

Posted by J

Popularity: 90% [?]

May-15-08

The Game Covers The Source

Posted by J under Magazine Scans, The Game

First of all, The Source still exists? Instead of under new ownership they need to be six feet under. Throw Vibe and XXL in there with them because these magazines have been slippin’ for years.

I guess this cover is supposed to be hella controversial or something but I feel like I’ve seen him doing this pose a million times? At least once before. If he hasn’t done it by now, he’s never going to unfortunately! I’m just kidding, I swear. I actually really like Game, fruity tattoos and all.

Image Source: Prefix Mag

Posted by J

Popularity: 90% [?]

Daniel Edwards, the man responsible for this piece that sent me to the Pearly Gates (where I was detained because I haven’t been saved yet AND I don’t have a green card), has come up with another tribute to Oprah, this time including her deceased dogs Sophie and Gracie on top of her dome. Like my girl Fresheteria (Neffe’s play cousin) would say, I can’t and I won’t.

The sculpture will go on exhibit May 22 here for those of you who would like to deliver my Notice to Appear at the Lion’s Den to the homie Dan.

Posted by J

Popularity: 88% [?]

RuPaul is back because TV has no shame. And as long as you all (translation: me included) continue to watch, we can’t bitch too much about it.

Ru will host a competition series called ‘Drag Race’ in which… yep, you guessed it, which ladies with a little somethin’ extra are the best performers. The show will air on LOGO and is produced by MTV. Any takers? Casting is still in progress.

Now here’s a competition show Khia might actually win! I don’t think “My Neck, My Back” is on the approved song list for audition but it probably should be.

Posted by J

Popularity: 88% [?]

N.E.R.D. returns with this first single off their new album, Seeing Sounds. I like this song, but the video is a hipster mess. I feel like I’m trapped in Cinespace during one of Sam Ronson and Lindsay Lohan’s sets. Oh wait, they’re in the video. So is Kanye.

Peep The Cobrasnake if you’ve never seen it before to get a better idea of what this video was “going for”.

Posted by J

Popularity: 90% [?]

Latarian Milton, the 7 year-old who stole his grandmother’s Dodge Durango and went on a disastrous joyride because he “wanted to do hoodrat stuff with [his] friends” is back to his old tricks. Latarian is being held on mental evaluation after attacking the same grandmother in Wal-Mart. Jesus be an extension cord! I would lay his butterball ass OUT after all this.

Milton’s grandmother, Vikkita Stratford, told WPBF that the 7-year-old took his mischievous activities to a new level Monday when she said he beat her up inside a Lake Park Wal-Mart.

According to Stratford, the problem began when Milton asked his grandmother for some chicken wings. When she refused, Milton walked over over to the counter and ordered them anyway.

Stratford said that when she confronted him about it, Milton just snapped.

“He just started hitting me — just started hitting me in front of the whole Wal-Mart. Every one in there was upset,” Stratford said.

Stratford told WPBF that Milton hit her stomach, legs and “wherever he could reach me.”

Riviera Beach police picked up Milton from his home and took him to an area hospital for a mental health evaluation Monday afternoon, WPBF reported. The 7-year-old can be held for up to 72 hours while he is evaluated by mental health officials. (Source)

He would need a physical health evaluation if I were the parent. This is taking things too far! Why are people scared of disciplining their kids these days? I’m not saying beat them for no reason but damn. Sometimes a good ass-kicking keeps a kid in line — and I speak from being on the wrong side of the ass-kicking!

This child was doomed from the start because his grandmother’s name is “Vikkita”. I bet his mama is named “Zarulyya” or some Star Trek-sounding mess.

Thanks not me

Posted by J

Popularity: 91% [?]

I don’t do too many [drugs]. I just smoke weed and drink. But I’ll never fuck with no more coke. It’s not about the bad high; it’s just about the acne: Cocaine makes your face break out. I’m a pretty boy.” -Lil’ Wayne (Source)

The ultimate case of you need more people.

Posted by J

Popularity: 87% [?]

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