A Hot Mess!

Knocking wigs askew since 2006.

Bleu Cheese Magazine’s second anniversary of obscurity celebration was on and poppin’ with celebs like Jacki-O and Darra from ‘Flavor of Love’/'Charm School’ in attendance. Catch me before I faint! Starstruck. I have a series of questions I need answered: 1) What is Bleu Magazine? 2) Did Jacki-O and editor Devon Christopher just have a quickie behind the tarp? 3) Why did WireImage say Darra was a “television personality”? 4) Seriously, what is Bleu Magazine?

My trip to WireImage Wonkdom didn’t end there, though; see also the bizarre matching of Holly Robinson Peete and the tranny-looking former Pussycat Doll at the opening of Shizue. Do they even know who one another is?

Sorry for the slow posts. I’m on a screwed up sleep schedule but next week I will be holding down a temporary 9-to-5 so expect to see more of me.

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Though Rih is still playing it a bit too coy, Chris is getting a little more open with how he describes their relationship. “Our relationship is growing. We started off as friends and we’re getting a little bit closer now.”

He shot down claims that they are just friends with benefits, insisting that makes them sound “cheap.”

Hoping to avoid the rage on the Chris Brown message boards, Chris quickly added, “But I don’t want to let down all my girlfriends, so all the ladies out there, I still love y’all!”

And does Mama Breezy like Miss Rihanna? “Yeah yeah, she’s real cool. They’re both light skin with green eyes, so…” Ahh. So it must be love then. (Source)

There’s so much askew with this I don’t know where to start. First of all, y’all already sound cheap because you are the most predictable fake relationship to ever be concocted in R&B. Secondly, I’d worry less what your internet girlfriends think and more about what Bow Wow does. Thirdly, Mama “Breezy” needs to learn that robots can take the shape of anything. Don’t be so easily impressed, mama.

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Fannykins has been dropped by 19 Management, the company to which all ‘American Idol’ winners are initially signed following their season. ‘Creative differences’ is the official reason but what it’s really about is this right here! Don’t think we don’t remember the look on your face, Simon!

Though she still has her contract at J, EW.com now hears that as of today, Fantasia has been dropped from 19 Management. The reason for the split, according to sources, is that age-old saw “creative differences.” However, like many other Idol contestants, Fantasia remains on the label 19 Recordings and will continue to share music sales profits with the company.

A rep for 19 declined to comment, but assured EW that management deals for David Cook, Carrie Underwood, Chris Daughtry, Jordin Sparks, and Blake Lewis remain intact. 19 also represents Annie Lennox and The Spice Girls. (Source)

LMAO, they think they slick. How you gonna decline to comment but then BACK-HANDEDLY list everyone except Fantasia as a part of the roster? I guess this is what happens when you take the Kool-Aid man’s advice on hairstyles. Shit will get you dropped in a second. They don’t want Middle America seeing that shit! They won’t know how to process that mess.

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Gold digger’s anthem! This song is pretty cheesy but it had that beat that LL used for the “Loungin’” remix on it.

The groups that play up their diversity never really get very far. We don’t care what ethnicity you are as long as you can sing. Sadly, the Latina one who looks like Vanessa Bryant sounds like Tiny from Xscape and that’s not a good look.

LOL @ all R&B groups in the ’90s having matching outfits in the videos.

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June-26-08

Death Row: Under New Management!

Posted by J under No Monies, Oh Lawd

But much like the Chinese restaurant down the block from me, I bet the roaches are still living there.

Suge Knight was forced to auction off Death Row and its entire catalog yesterday. The winner was Global Music Group who will shell out $24 million for the rights.

According to TMZ, Global Music Group’s president Susan Berg shelled out the cash, putting her in control of all the recordings by Tupac Shakur, Snoop Dogg, and Dr. Dre during their stay at the label. And as a bonus her purchase also includes an additional 20 unreleased ‘Pac tracks. (Source)

Oh great, now we’re gonna have to listen to more bastardized 2Pac albums featuring people like Webbie and Naturi Naughton. I wonder if Dre is gonna try and buy the rights to The Chronic? That was something that Suge refused to give him all these years.

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Too much to say

I really wish she didn’t seem so sweet because it would be easier to clown. If you’re gonna watch this at all, just fast forward the first part because all she talks about is what she liked at the BET Awards. YAWN! Let’s be honest, she liked that she was THERE and not working down the street at Cheesecake Factory!

Apparently her new single is not impacting until August 1st. I think I heard that shit three years ago but I guess they are releasing a new version with Wayne on it. The album drops in September and she wants all of us to know how happy she is to be getting a second chance.

This was really kind of sad to watch.

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This one is in honor of the girls’ reunion (at Hometown Buffet — and beyond!). Follow the jump to see pics from the BET Awards.

I had this one on a cassette from off the radio. Good times! I don’t know who’s idea it was to have them “sexy fencing” but I don’t think they really pulled off what they were “going for”.

Read the rest of this entry »

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They pressin’ charges! Not really, I just felt like saying that.

“America’s Toughest Sheriff” has stripped Shaquille O’Neal of his status as a Maricopa County special deputy and colonel, in response to his widely circulated freestyle video.

Sheriff Joe Arpaio took exception to Shaq’s use of the n-word and other obscenities during the impromptu performance, which was taped by an audience member and posted on TMZ.com.

“I want his two badges back,” Arpaio said to The Associate Press on Tuesday (Jun 24). “Because if any one of my deputies did something like this, they’re fired. I don’t condone this type of racial conduct.”

Sheriff Arpaio went on to say that while he didn’t expect his word to teach Shaq a lesson, he hoped the Phoenix Suns center would learn that as a role model who wants to be a full-time sheriff one day, he needs to know his words matter.

“Maybe I’m old fashioned,” continued Arpaio, who made headlines in the Hip-Hop world earlier this year for his tough prosecution of rapper DMX, “but I don’t think that either conduct should be out there publicly, even if media wasn’t there.”

The controversial viral video, in which Shaq takes shots at former teammate Kobe Bryant, first appeared online over the weekend.

O’Neal promptly clarified his actions in an interview with ESPN.com on Monday (Jun 23), explaining that his freestyle was “all done in fun,” and that he had no issues with Bryant, with whom he had a tumultuous relationship throughout his time on the LA Lakers roster. (Source)

Maybe now that he can’t regulate malls and parks anymore, Shaq can hit the basketball court and work on his game a little bit and stop running his mouth for ten seconds. This is like the worst freestyle rap ever to survive more than a day of talk. Hit me up when the slow kid from the freestyle video on YouTube (I can’t find it anymore! Did some dumb skank take it down?) rips Shaq a new hole in a battle. Until then, I’ve officially CHECKED OUT of this story.

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Let me just start off by saying I did not watch the BET Awards last night. I forgot to even record the shit but I’m hearing I didn’t miss a whole lot besides SWV showing up looking like Ashley Stewart models. I had more important things to take care of (like drinking).

J. Hud’s new video debuted last night. This shit bored me so much I literally had to re-look up the name of it after watching the whole video. She sounds like she’s saying “ah-choo” which is what I wanna do when I hear this shit — sneeze. At least her attire game is stepped up and she’s not belting in and out of ridiculous notes in this song. But I ain’t exactly gonna be breaking down the door to Target to buy this.

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Solo Cup continued the age-old Knowles clan tradition of making herself look a tore-up mess when Beyahweh is looking a little tired so she will look good by comparison. And it was Solstice’s birthday. Awww, I feel bad. Kinda.

I’m gonna have to agree with T.Y. (thanks for the lead) — she’s channeling her inner Winehouse here and me no likey. There’s only room in this world for one crack-addicted, bee-hived singer and I’ll take mine less the Creole stank, thank you very much.

Here’s another flick of the Sisters Knowles beckoning to their home planet Lacefrontia.

Photo Source: People.com

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According to boyfriend and producer Jermaine Dupri, Ms. Jackson is ready for kids. “Soon… right after the tour,” Dupri told PEOPLE recently.

However Jackson has said “I like where we are, and I’m happy where I am” of her relationship with Dupri amidst wedding rumors earlier this year.

According to PEOPLE, Dupri, who also has a daughter, Shaniah, from a previous relationship is so excited to start a family with the “Discpline” singer, he doesn’t care if it’s a boy or girl. Dupri says “Janet would be a great mom. She was around so many brothers and sisters all her life, so she’s got to know what that is [like]. And her mom is a great mother.”

Jackson hits the road this September for the “Rock Witchu Tour,” her first in seven years. (Source)

He lies. He’s just sick of being the shortest person in the house. Newsflash, Germ, that baby is gonna grow! By the time he’s four (months) he’ll be your height.

Janet doesn’t exactly sound hype on starting a family. At least she’s using her head, because the combination of Gollum’s sperm and her psychotic Jackson eggs has “disaster” written all over it.

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The only rocks he’s gonna be working with now are in the rec yard.

Popular hip-hop jewelry maker Jacob “The Jeweler” Arabov was sentenced in Detroit today to 2 and 1/2 years in prison for denying his knowledge to federal agents about seized jewels from a known cocaine trafficker.

According to the Detroit Free Press, Arabov faced a maximum of 46 months behind bars for withholding information on jewelry he obtained from alleged Black Mafia Family (BMF) co-founder and drug dealer Terry Flenory. Pleading guilty last October, the 42 year-old was sentenced to 30 months with an additional $50,000 fine earlier today.

The jeweler, who came to Ameirca as a teenager by way of Uzbekistan, admitted his wrongs during sentencing.

“I feel ashamed that I broke the law of this county,” he told U.S. District Judge Avern Cohn. “[It’s] been so good to me and my family.”

After sentencing, Cohn set January 15th as the date Arabov must report to prison, recommending the jeweler serve his time in a federal facility in Pennsylvania. He has also willingly forfeited $2 million to the government.

The case began in ‘05 when Arabov was indicted in Detroit for allegedly offering assistance to the BMF. It is assumed he helped launder around $270 million in drug proceeds.

Arabov’s long list of clients included various hip-hop stars including Diddy, Nas, and Kanye West.

The good news is he will probably find a whole new clientele in jail, and he’s used to working with criminals!

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“I was freestyling. That’s all. It was all done in fun. Nothing serious whatsoever. That is what MCs do. They freestyle when called upon. I’m totally cool with Kobe. No issue at all. And by the way, don’t forget, six albums, two platinum, two gold. Anybody who knows me knows I’m a funny freestyler. Check the NBA DVD when I was rapping about Vlade Divac during my first championship run. Please tell everybody don’t make something out of nothing.” -Shaq on the Kobe Bryant diss and his illustrious rapping career (Source)

If this is foreshadowing of a fifth Shaq album let me be the first to say “put me down for 2,000 pre-ordered copies”!

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Danity Kane on ‘Nashville Star’ makes about as much sense as Latarian Milton on ‘Sesame Street’ but then again they aren’t exactly in the position of turning down offers at this point. We’ll see them next week on Bob Vila’s show. Is Bob Vila still alive? R.I.P.P. (last ‘P’ for ‘potentially’) Bob Vila.

They all sound like shit but still carry more stage presence than Billy Ray Cyrus. He has the hosting abilities of a can of soup! An expired can. The kind even your cheap aunt won’t buy from the ‘damaged goods’ section of Ralph’s.

They cut out my favorite part where Aubrey gets sexy on ‘em, sexy on ‘em with her breathy vocals on the “My heart is damaged, damaged, damaged!” Knowing those vocal chords she probably can’t handle anything over a five-second vamp.

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June-23-08

Nate Bin Laden Ridin’ Dirty!

Posted by J under 5-0, Drama

Nate Dogg was arrested this morning for allegedly chasing his ex-wife’s car on the 405 in LA. Uhhhh… chasing? On the 405? Yeah I’m sure that was a real thrill ride, what with the stop and go traffic every eighth of a second.

TMZ has learned hip-hop artist Nate Dogg was arrested around 8:30 AM PT this morning while driving on the 405 in L.A.

Cops tell us a woman who said she was Nate’s estranged wife called into 911 freaking out as she was driving, claiming Nate was making death threats against her and “dangerously” following her as she drove down the road. The CHP stopped them both, and after interviewing both parties, arrested him for making terrorist threats and driving on a suspended license.

The singer, whose real name is Nathaniel Hale, is currently in the process of being booked into the medical ward of the Twin Towers jail in downtown L.A. He suffered a debilitating stroke last December. (Source)

Damn, Nate was throwing jihads on homegirl on the 405. All this time we thought he was affiliated with Long Beach gangs but really he’s repping Hezbollah!

This isn’t the first time Nate has gotten into an altercation with or over one of his lady friends. I think he needs counseling.

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