Lil’ Wayne Is Officially GEIGH & Zac Efron Is About To Get Mollywopped!

17 12 2007


Lil’ Wayne has officially gotten the Side Eye of Death.

Yo, ok. Now, I hate to make this blog seem all about homophobia or something lately, but I’ll be doggone if these folks just don’t keep throwing sticks onto this burning fagot already (pause, go to www.m-w.com LOL!). Please believe we love the gays though.

Now comes the latest from The OC Weekly (which is a real paper I’ve read before ROFL). Forget Ms. Omari and Mrs. Ruff Ruff, ish just got all KINDS of bizarre. After reading this, I hereby declare that hip-hop just died this morning and Nas is a prophet.

Lil’ Wayne working with Disney? Right, “The Pussy Monster” is getting a role in the new Shrek 4. HA! Lil’ Wayne kissing YT boys? If this was the 1960’s he’d be lynched and hung. I am gonna post this whole article. Check the jump — it’s BANANAS. Lil’ Wayne must be on that good crack or something, cause he’s lost it!?

EDIT: THIS IS OFFICIALLY NOT TRUE. THANK WHITE BABY JESUS! Still funny though. OC Weekly was about to get firebombed yo, for real. The sad part is, it REALLY didn’t sound THAT far fetched because dude is crazy. I should have known something was up though. Oh well, it was still funny to comment on!

With his long dreadlocks, croaking voice and penchant for zaniness, Lil Wayne is an unpredictable MC. He’s also a prolific one, releasing albums and mixtapes by the handful. In 2007, he recorded guest verses with everyone from Shakira to Little Brother.

But his newest collaboration will have even his most die-hard fans scratching their heads. In an attempt by the not-quite mainstream rapper to reach a wider range of fans, the 24-year-old Wayne has announced that he will rap on the CD remix to the latest installment of the High School Musical franchise, titled High School Musical 2: Non-Stop Dance Party.

“Yup, I had to do that,” Wayne says with his trademark high-voltage smile, shortly after welcoming me into his Miami Beach mansion. “I’m trying to reach those suburban white kids like Kanye did.”

Disney Channel’s High School Musical is a pop-culture phenomenon, having sold millions of DVDs and millions more CD soundtracks. But its clean-cut characters and positive themes don’t seem to jibe with Wayne’s lyrical content, which tends to focus on giant spliffs of marijuana and boasts about receiving sloppy fellatio.

“I’m just being me,” Wayne insists, leading a tour of his recently purchased oceanfront house, which features a faux-bronze statue of his own nude figure, and a Juicy Fruit-dispensing bathroom attendant who lives on the premises full-time. He adds that the project was set in motion after a chance meeting with High School Musical star Zac Efron.

“Zac and me was both in San Francisco a few months ago for a comic book convention or something, and we met at an afterparty at some bar,” [San Franciso? “Some bar”? ORLY!?] he says, pausing to break down pieces of pungent pot to roll into a joint. “To get away from these girls that was chasing him, he ducked into the bathroom and I followed him in there. I was like, ‘What’s crackin’, my brother from another mother?’”

At that very moment—as if on cue—the San Luis Obispo-born Efron himself emerges from Wayne’s den. I’ll later learn that the 20-year-old brunette heartthrob is crashing in Wayne’s guest room while the two work on their High School Musical songs together, but for now it’s like seeing a polar bear in the middle of the Brazilian rain forest.

“What’s up, my nigga?” [HELL TO THA MUTHAEFFIN’ MONKEY NAW!] Efron says, giving Wayne a pound, a hug, and then, to my astonishment, a full-on kiss, reminiscent of the one Wayne famously gave his surrogate father Baby last year. (Obviously, Efron is going to have to work harder to squelch rumors surrounding his sexual orientation.)

“I’ve been a big fan of Wayne for a long time,” says Efron, emerging from the embrace and cueing up a CD player. “These are the cuts we just finished. Dope, right?”

I wish I could share his enthusiasm, but the songs are a bit jarring, to say the least. On “All for One,” Efron sings the chorus—“Everybody all for one, a real summer has just begun! Let’s rock and roll and just let go, feel the rhythm of the drums. We’re gonna have fun in the sun!”—while Wayne raps: “I’m a dog, you’re all a bunch of fleas on my dick. Driving a Jag, er, like my name was Mick. I’m so sour like cream with chives, and my sperm will make your face break out in hives.”

When they ask for my honest opinion about their new songs, I mutter something about them being “outside the box” and “memorable.” Though my answer is clearly insincere, Wayne seems unfazed.

“This isn’t the only thing I got going on right now,” he says, as the two young celebrities walk me out. “I just did songs with Mannheim Steamroller, something for the new Raffi album, and 16 bars in Spanish on Ricky Martin’s new one.”

Does Wayne ever get overwhelmed by the pace of his high-flying lifestyle?

“Hell, no! This is how I live! I get up in the morning, get my dick sucked four times [BY WHO?! ZAC!? CLARIFY MY NIGGA!], drink a Molson’s, and then hang out with Zac. What, do you want me to go to Hawaii for a vacation? You got a job, but this is my vacation right here.”

Adds Efron, “Word!” (source)

*FLATLINES*

So do I even really need to say anything!? I MEAN REALLY!!??!?!?!?!?!

The allusions to the zestiness alone made glitter come out of my speakers and confetti exploded out of my cd drive. Lil’ Wayne…why are you still kissing dudes!?

I mean, I grew up in the hood too…I done seen some crazy stuff…but NEVER did I ever see grown a-asterisk-asterisk men kissing each other. That is flat out, uncategorically undeniable as being GAY. I’M SORRY. Full-on kisses?! Eww. I bet you Wayne’s mouth tastes like 3 day old Taco Bell and Black’N Milds *throws up*. He just LOOK like he don’t floss!

And about Zac Efron saying “nigga” — don’t let me catch that dude in Beverly Hills. I am gonna run that dude over in front of Spago. Forget what you heard yo, that ain’t cool. I don’t care if your stepdaddy is Gil Scott-Heron and your mom is Afeni Shakur. JUST STOP!

Could you imagine Lil’ Wayne following you into the bathroom!? I be like “da heyel!?” I have no words. Zestfully clean. This whole thing is just zestfully clean.

The real sad part about is that verse from Wayne was kinda hot LOL. But Mannheim Steamroller? Ricky Martin!? Seriously, Wayne probably rapped for a BJ from Queen Ricky and some free Christmas music for his neighborhood from Mannheim Steamroller. Ay dios mio! It justs gets worse and worse the more I read the article.

*logs off and goes into my Sweet Minty Jesus prayer closet*

Posted by The IPS

Popularity: 28% [?]

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34 responses to “Lil’ Wayne Is Officially GEIGH & Zac Efron Is About To Get Mollywopped!”

17 12 2007
alejandro ~dro~ (21:48:56) :

Hell no. I knew Zac Efron was fruity.

17 12 2007
Ratchet (21:56:17) :

ok, I’m bisexual, but there’s all KINDS of faggotry, idiocy, fright, and just general wrongness going on in that there article…

17 12 2007
The IPS (22:04:22) :

^^^ You are? OK, that explains some of your comments. I was wondering! I ain’t mad. LOL.

I’m just glad that someone else backs me up that that article right there is just…100% wrong and 150% retarded and just NOT OKAY.

17 12 2007
Ari.Dae (22:08:59) :

*Sigh*

I’m about to pull a Joe Horn *cocks gun*
Zac Effron said WHAT to Wayne?

“which features a faux-bronze statue of his own nude figure, and a Juicy Fruit-dispensing bathroom attendant who lives on the premises full-time.”
…But thats not just a lil un normal Wayne?

Somebody needs to You Tube ‘The Evolution of No Homo’

17 12 2007
The IPS (22:13:41) :

Wait a minute, the statue of himself reminds me of “Thugnificent” from The Boondocks ROFL!!!!

Tell me Aaron Magruder ain’t already seen this episode!?

17 12 2007
Marc (22:23:10) :

Jesus be a pussy monster exterminator; this has got to stop.

There is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much going wrong here that…

X^P *beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*

17 12 2007
ISP BABY MOMMA (22:25:09) :

DA HELL!! lil wanye is on that crack from mexico! if you’re from LA you know what I mean… This muthafucka is bananas (shout out to ashanti)!! Does this nigga don’t have anything else to do? I mean for real? This nigga needs to join his local community college and get himself an AA degree like Venus! I bet malcolm X and Martin Lutha Kang is rollin in their graves over a million times ova this fuckery! read a book nigga! he just got too much times on his hands. he need to get himself a nobel peace prize and sit his ass down.

17 12 2007
MsAkala (22:26:31) :

I hope I don’t ruin it for anyone but…this actually isn’t true..it was made for giggles..

*giggles*

17 12 2007
blissfullyrebellious (22:27:23) :

Zac Efron pops in a profile on Lil’ Wayne by the O.C. Weekly.

The paper claims that the unlikely duo are working on music together and that their reporter witnessed the following:

“What’s up, my nigga?” Efron says, giving Wayne a pound, a hug, and then, to my astonishment, a full-on kiss, reminiscent of the one Wayne famously gave his surrogate father Baby last year. (Obviously, Efron is going to have to work harder to squelch rumors surrounding his sexual orientation.)

This has to be a joke right???

The news weekly prints the story without any disclaimer there. We’re supposed to take it on face value.

Zacquisha’s lawyers are probably firing a letter off to them as we speak!

Update:

We just got this email from the clubs editor of the OC Weekly.

“I just wanted to clarify that the Zac Efron and Lil’ Wayne story is purely fictional and is simply intended as a joke (and a hysterical one at that).”

17 12 2007
blissfullyrebellious (22:29:20) :

that was take from perez hiltons site

17 12 2007
Evil Kinegro (22:30:19) :

*logs off and goes into my Sweet Minty Jesus prayer closet*

*knock**knock*
Ay…. move over.

17 12 2007
Evil Kinegro (22:32:29) :

Whoo, it’s fake! Oh, thank God!
For a while, I was like:” I can’t be reading this!
I couldn’t even wrap my head around the concept.
That’s a hell of a story, man. Kudos to whoever came up with that!

17 12 2007
Aairy (22:38:18) :

hahaha if dis aint the funniest shit ever!
dis aint real at all..atleast i hope not..if it is..ima *flatline*

17 12 2007
Z'maji of HauteBlogXOXO (22:47:40) :

*dead, rotting, buried, and CRANKIN THAT SOULJA BOY WITH THE ANGESL*

-Z’maji @ http://hauteblogxoxo.wordpress.com

17 12 2007
ISP BABY MOMMA (22:50:19) :

yall can’t do that to a sista waiting on the bus and reading this fuckery on her PDA!! I JUST GOT FINISH TAKING A FINAL. I JUST GOT GOT!!! LOL

17 12 2007
Ratchet (23:31:35) :

Thank the lawd that that is fake… had it been real, I would stay in my house just waiting for the Apocalypse (which would probably be composed of Pussy Monster clones ravaging the earth) to descend.

and IPS, some of my friends call me “Greedy” because of that, lmao.

18 12 2007
Kuddy Roc (03:15:08) :

hahaha i hope this is fake, if not…
imma be tha first to blast this ol’ crazy
pussy and dick monster production…lol

18 12 2007
Mz.Jenn (03:20:56) :

Not only is lil Pussy-less Monster on crack from Mexico, he’s on that bad batch of Mexican crack from 1981!!

…Who would really let him get within 20 feet of them, looking like he about rip the lining out.

18 12 2007
cassie (05:16:25) :

this is sooooooooooo fake! oh my god! everyone thinks zac is gay when we all know he isn’t! he’s dating vanessa hudgens. (they are such a cute couple!) i wish they could leave the celebs alone! people agree with me? right!?

18 12 2007
MissOMyGoodnezz (06:15:46) :

How in the sweetest and the most minty heaven did I miss this?? lol

18 12 2007
msantina (08:14:39) :

“which features a faux-bronze statue of his own nude figure, and a Juicy Fruit-dispensing bathroom attendant who lives on the premises full-time”

That attendant better be a big booty, no holds barred bustdown! If it’s a dude I swear for Pac AND Biggie someone needs to revoke his rapper title immegiately!

OC weekly must stand for OUTTA CONTROL Weekly because this ish was hilarious.

18 12 2007
Rebecca (08:39:55) :

Are we still using the term “Homo-thug”? If not ima have to bring it back. I also have to repeat one of my previous comments.

“I ain’t never ran from a ni**a and I damn sure ain’t bout to pick today to start running.”
Yeah Wayne, I bet you don’t run. You likes that kielbasa don’t ya

18 12 2007
ISP Baby momma (09:00:06) :

zac is gay. look at the eyes…. it screams gay… lol

vanessa hudgens is just a beard for zac.

18 12 2007
Deezie (09:35:34) :

LMAO @ Ratchet
http://triplerdeezee.blogspot.com/

18 12 2007
Mz.Jenn (09:40:54) :

@ Rebecca

He doesn’t run from it…he BACKS UP on it!!

18 12 2007
Donnz (09:57:56) :

Let me find that pale ass , vanilla ice, ‘delecate like a fower’ what what Zac Effron. He better pray to Heaven, Purgutry (cant be bothered to spell the word properly) and the Angels he did not say the word N- asterisk (x4)r. Letting HSM and his hoe hoe chickenhead Vanessa get to his head. The only thing I love about p*ssyless monster is his music. The look (if thats what people call it) and everything else about him just needs church and holy water. I am so vex!

18 12 2007
2snaps (10:07:46) :

this entire piece has scrambled part of my brain….. the lord is close i just know it

18 12 2007
Stu (10:46:17) :

Lil Wayne sucks, PERIOD.

18 12 2007
Breezy; (12:53:34) :

OMG THIS WAS SO DAMN FUNNY.

18 12 2007
Ms. Niqua...Why are all the good looking White boys Gay? (13:22:16) :

Why does Zac Efron seem like that rich white kid who always tries to be a “gangsta”? We all have at least one rich white family with kids trying to be black. I just imagine his practicing his “-izzle” in front of his fag hag (Vanessa Hudgens). “…..izzle kizzle. What’s your bizzle.”

If he really did say the n***A, i’d have to set it off up here.

I think all them lil’ Disney chilruns’ is gay. I knew this was fake from the mixture of Hip Hop & DISNEY. Last time those two mixed together, we had the Cha-Cha Slide

*Slides to the left. Slides to the right*

18 12 2007
ζ the blogger formerly known as carolinagirl (21:07:38) :

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!THIS IS THE FUNNIEST SHIT I HAVE EVER READ!!!! WHEN I READ THE PART ABOUT A BATHROOM ATTENDANT HANDING OUT JUICY FRUIT, I JUST KNEW THIS HAD TO BE A JOKE.

Sorry about typing in all caps, but this shit had me laughing like an audience member on old episodes of Def Comedy Jam.

18 12 2007
wilcutyazz (22:14:39) :

this had me ROTFL

18 12 2007
bronx_chic (23:37:17) :

lol whoever thought this up is hellbound and smokin’ that good shit but it was pretty entertaining…where in the world did u find that pic of the pussyless monster?? that alone raped my soul.

am i the only one who doesn’t think zac effron is gay?? could i see him trying to be “down”? yes. gay, no.

19 12 2007
SexyMa (00:48:27) :

LAWD JESUS!!! I was gettin ready to say…
whoa. I’m glad that’s fictional.
But that a quite a story I gotta give them that
reminds me of that fake Bowwow interview where he talks about Beyonce, Jay-Z and Ciara. LMAO

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